When a Loaded Word (c**t) is Flung in Your Direction…

Today started off as any other day. I sent out my CV to potential job opportunities (I was made redundant), had lunch and then decided to do my daily walk around town.  It would always end at my local Waitrose (grocery store chain in the UK) where I would pick up a few necessities and then make my way to Costa Coffee where I would splurge and get my decaf peach iced tea. Yes, that is what I call splurging at the moment. This has been my routine, my world, for the last 2 months. A simple one. But today was not like any other day, today was the day I was called an uneducated C**t in an upscale grocery store.

I personally hate the ‘C’ word. Which is why I can’t even bring myself to write it down in this post. Yes, I have written swear words unapologetically before. But this one is something I can’t do. And the word carries a more loaded, heavier, vulgar connotation when it’s being easily flung by a man’s lips towards your direction. It becomes even weightier when you search into his eyes and know that if you were alone with him and not in a crowded store with witnesses, the scene would have ended in a very different way.

It all started as I was waiting in line to pay for my things. There was a man who was two people behind me talking. At first I thought he was talking to someone but then I realised that he was complaining about waiting in line. He started swearing and saying the staff were incompetent and other abusive nonsense. The woman behind me, who was much older than I, was getting agitated and a little fearful. As we waited he kept on saying these things under his breath but loud enough for his neighbouring line members to understand everything. The woman that was behind me left the line. And I simply had enough. So I turned to him and said ” We are all waiting and I know it sucks to wait but relax it will go by quick.” That was all I said. He paused turned to look at me and went in. “Mind your own fucking business, who the fuck are you. Mind your own fucking business.” I was not shocked at his response because I realised he was a man that was always itching for a fight no matter who it was with. I’m pretty sure that even a 90 year old defenceless woman would have felt his wrath had she dared to utter two words to him. So I turned around, without saying another word and went to the cashier to pay. Unfortunately now his rage was not directed at the staff but towards me.

As I was trying to pay he approached the cashier line and to my dismay he came to the next cashier closest to me and kept on spewing his venom in my direction. I finally said loudly ” Is this what you do? You start fights and verbally attack women?” And with that he paid, brushed right past me and said “shut the fuck up you uneducated C**T!!!” as he walked out the store. The hatred that he had for me was palpable. It was as if I had killed his own mother. It pored out of him easily, without remorse or embarrassment.  I didn’t realise it at the time, but I allowed myself to become so flustered that my whole body started shaking uncontrollably. It took all my strength to try and get my Visa card into that thin slot and punch in the correct numbers. I was shaking because I saw red, I saw a man who was allowed to walk the streets and spew hatred everywhere he went and all I could think about was beating the shit out of that poor excuse of a human being. Obviously I would have lost because he was a built brainless gorilla, but I would have given it my all nonetheless.

For some reason it got to me. This exchange shook me and I think it was because an aggressively large man that was obviously holding onto a lot of repressed anger killed me with two words. I allowed those words to have meaning. I gave them power. But I later realised that I was most upset because my old self would have stood there in defiance. Would have taken it and not flinched and cried afterwards  as she walked by herself towards home. I would have brushed it off and carried on without a care in the world. My old self would have held her ground in that grocery store. And that’s when I realised that somewhere along the way, I had lost myself. With all my health problems, and stress about money and finding a job and not having true support from friends or family it had all chipped away at me. All to the point of not being able to stand there and defend myself like I once knew how to do.

Granted if we were to replace the aggressive man with an aggressive woman then I’m pretty sure those words wouldn’t have stung so deep. Unfortunately it wasn’t. And unfortunately this man, didn’t know my backstory when we met on the battlefield. He didn’t know that I was suffering and trying to overcome my own demons. He didn’t know that I was a shell of the woman I once was. But even if he did I’m pretty sure he would have acted in the same manner. Because some people don’t care how they affect others. Some people just like to feel powerful and words can belittle a person’s soul even more so than a physical wound ever could. Words, if heard often enough can wither you down to the point of losing all self-worth. It’s funny because as I look back on my life, it has always been the words that I have remembered the most and not the physical altercations. And if you hear enough of them in your lifetime it becomes a constant battle to always remember that you are a human being who deserves love just like everyone else.

I don’t know the story behind the man with the vinegar tongue but I’m pretty sure it’s a sad one. I’m pretty sure his upbringing wasn’t the best. Equally, I’m almost certain that he had a male figure in his life that has passed on these vulgar tones of hatred in his soul; probably coupled with a mother who didn’t show him enough love as a child. I’ve seen people come from similar backgrounds who vow never to be like their predecessors. But alas, I don’t know his story so I won’t sit and ponder the what if’s of his youth. But somewhere along his lifeline, this man fell between the cracks and anger has been the fuel to aid his fire. All I feel, in this moment, is pity for him. That is the only thing I will allow myself to give to that man.

As for me, I will brush this off. I have brushed this off. But I’m sharing this because I wanted to express my sorrow for those who use words as a venomous weapon. Please choose your words wiser next time. Try and envision where your opponents shoe’s have been. Don’t be so quick to jump the gun and plough someone down without a care in the world. What we all need to do is start using words that hold the receiver’s best interests at heart. We need to be uplifting people. We need to educate children better in order for them to grow up and be caring individuals. And above all, we must be kind to one another at all times. We are not here on this planet for very long, wouldn’t you want your legacy to be that of a kind, giving and caring human being?

❤ ❤ ❤

People, Love and Materialism

words of wisdom

Ain’t the above so true my Pandas? I read it and was like YEAH! most people have lost sight of the important things in life. Why is that? I do know one thing though, a lot of us are starting to become collectors of things. It’s like the more we have, the more we are accepted and liked by society, or so we think. What the hell ever happened to love and being loved solely on who you are as a person? I think we look at all these “celebrities” on the cover of magazines and/or social media and for some reason people are breaking their backs trying to acquire a similar lifestyle. It’s not possible people. The average Joe does not make millions. The really sad thing is, that I know of people who wasted all their money on a high end Porsche or Ferrari, yet live in a fucking shit hole. You know why? Because they want to be on the streets showing the image of wealth off. Through their eyes, material possessions mean more. And if they knew someone who had even more, they would probably use them to acquire the same amount of things. It’s just one big greed-fest. I mean it might as well say, ‘love thy neighbour’s car’ in the ten commandments.

Personally I think most of us have lost the plot slightly. We forget that materialistic things are not what life is all about. It’s about connecting, travelling, eating, exploring, loving, comforting, soothing, lusting and exciting experiences. It’s about using your senses to the fullest. Touching, smelling, seeing, hearing and tasting everything that’s out there. I personally, would prefer good friends, a loving partner, a healthy family and happiness. What would I even learn from having a bunch of materialistic things? What love would I get in return? The answer is nothing! It’s a superfluous kind of existence. A shallow, hollow, soulless, lifeless existence.

I want to laugh from my belly. I want to eat exotic foods from exotic lands. I want to be touched from the love of a soul-mate. I want to hear dolphins playing and see pandas in the flesh, not just in photos or videos. I want to have in-depth soul shattering conversations. I want the sensation of butterflies in my stomach when the man I love looks at me in that way. I want the wink between two friends and an inside joke. I want to feel sand in between my toes. I want to hear the ice cream van come around the corner, filling me with my wonderful childhood memories. I want to be touched in all the right places. I want the feel of kisses all over my body. I want to be wanted. I want to feel piano keys vibrate a beautiful melody as I play. I want to dance with a lover in the rain. I want to sing at the top of my lungs in the shower. I want to feel my mom’s hugs. I want to taste the salty sea in my mouth. And most of all, I want to breathe the intoxicating fragrances of freshly cut grass and my grandma’s bread that’s been baked to perfection. I want life at the end of the day. The unabridged version. And no, I repeat NO car, or article of clothing, or accessory or blah blah blah, is ever going to give me the same feelings.

So what the hell are you waiting for?! Start loving the right way. Connect and be happy. God knows, this world would be a kinder place with more love and happiness in it.

Peace, Love and Deep meaningful emotions…

 

Life is Better…

Laughter

A big HELLO to all you pandas out there. I have finally finished unpacking from my move. But more importantly, I have wifi in my place! Woop Woop to surfing the net again. Ahhh….bliss.

Throughout this process I have wanted to pull out my hair in annoyance more than once. I mean the stress levels hit me hard to the point of me forgetting that this was actually a good thing in my life.

So to change my melancholic mood I decided to watch some old videos of me and my friends. I needed to crack a smile desperately. And boy did I laugh my ass off. You see the thing is, life is way too short to get super stressed out all the time. For one thing, we now know that stress can diminish your years if you’re not careful. So to avoid this, I try to laugh as much as I can.

Laughing is like a free drug to make you all giddy inside and the more you laugh the more stress gets eliminated. So the next time you feel like you want to punch something (or someone) why not take a deep breath and turn to something that will make you laugh. If your buddies are your cure but can’t come to your rescue, then watch a comedy to unwind. Or go through some photos of all the shenanigans that you and your friends have gotten up.

Whatever you choose to use, just remember to laugh all the time. And always try to surround yourself with positive, uplifting people who can laugh right along with you.

PS- Soooooo glad to be back online!

Motivation of The Day…

Motivation

When I saw this I thought, now here is a quote that makes me think about my actions. Is the effort that I put forward today going to carry on over to tomorrow? Am I striving to reach my goals?

I suppose the honest truth is, that I am taking itty bitty steps in the right direction. No, I might not be taking giant strides and accomplishing my goals in leaps and bounds . But I am, however, doing little things here and there. Yes it might take me longer but it’s a choice that I am willing to sacrifice for.

Don’t let today or any day for that matter, be a mundane one. Don’t let it be meaningless. And no matter how small a step you’re taking towards your ambitions, it’s a step! Which is the most important thing of all.

 

Peace, Love and Panda Happiness

Quote of The Day…

In the dark

This is so true. Don’t you guys think? I think most of us are scared of what people may conceal. It’s like going forward into the darkness not knowing what you will find. Praying and hoping that it will only ever be an empty space. The kind that brings a sigh of relief when you turn the lights on. But there are those other times… The times where even turning on the lights won’t help. And once you see the true nature of people, after the cover of night has been lifted, it’s most definitely a sudden jolt to your senses. In fact for most, it renders us into a completely paralysing state of affairs. And that right there, is scary when you never saw it in the first place. Where it was hiding in plain sight, masked by the love that you’ve shown the imposter. A person that you never truly knew.

Five Photos, Five Stories: Day One

A few days ago I got challenged by Odafagerland (blog: TROCIMAL) to do the ‘Five Photos, Five Stories’ Challenge. Thank you for including me in on all this fun!

So here is the gist:
Each day I am to post a different photo for five consecutive days and attach a story (either fiction or non). Along with each photo/story I have to choose a new person each day so the challenge can carry on!
To the people that I choose… It is completely up  to you if you want to accept the challenge or not. Also don’t forget to include who nominated you in your first photo.

The Land of The Fairies

Five Photos Five Stories

I was taken aback as a magical fairy with long slender wings sat on my shoulder and started to whisper in my ear. “I know a place… A really beautiful place. Where the trees part ever so slightly to reveal the golden world. My World. The ordinaries, like you, know it only as the sun. Would you like to take a journey with me? Could you stomach an adventure? The entrance is just past those branches. You see?” I let the words of the pretty little fairy sit with me a while as I stared at the trickling light pushing its way through the small opening. Without even noticing, a tiny smile of mischief formed at the corner of my mouth. The opportunity sounded delicious. An Adventure? Yes. I think an adventure was written in the cards for me. My smile grew wider as I decided to take one step towards the light…

I nominate Jelena (blog: 100 Days of Sunshine) Girl… you up to it? ❤