The Gaze That Stops Time


There comes a moment in every man’s life where he gazes into his partner’s eyes with a longing so deep that it touches the receiver’s soul. You could even say it’s a gaze that is more than life itself, aided by the twinkling of stars that has somehow been born from the universe. You are looking at a deep galaxy of lights, where each illumination is a memory that the bearer holds dear. And suddenly, just like the quickness of the snapping of fingers, a stillness of time manifests into infinity. It is just the two of you who matter, as the noises around you mute. You both seem to be in the know, while the rest of the world ceases to exist. That gaze, the one that makes you almost feel like you know the meaning of life, morphs into something that logically you can’t comprehend, and yet emotionally understand without question. Once this realisation hits, you become very aware that your breath becomes caught up in the thickness of the air around you, making it hard to digest the intensity . It’s a rarity… but if you are lucky enough to experience it, it is likely one that you will never forget.

I have had the great pleasure of experiencing such a gaze, not once but a few times throughout my life. And with each, came a knowing that at that moment the man that was doing the gazing cared for me without question. It was reassuring, comforting and probably made me overlook other blemishes that I otherwise would have never allowed. But once the gaze materialised, all rationale would fly right out the window. It was a drug so potent and so euphoric that I stuck around in the hopes of experiencing it again. I was a girl who loved love after all. Each gaze somehow cemented my  romanticised conviction about love. As I look back on each encounter, I do so with a longing and admiration that I was fortunate to experience the amount that I did.

I remember where I was and what I was doing with each gaze. Even the one’s that were many years ago still feel like new. But I have realised that there’s definitely different variation of the ‘gaze’. There are one’s, a gushy gaze, that allow you to open up and let the person in. While other’s, a grand gaze, that make you feel like you are an admired and wanted human being. And then there’s the doozy of all gazes, a gladiator gaze, which is the one that awakens your soul. The one where you can see each other growing old together.

For me, each experience has no doubt been ingrained right down to my core and from time to time I find myself thinking about those moments. I don’t think of the men, or the relationships. I think about the feeling, about the emotions, about the senses. It comes to mind more when I lose faith in men. Or when a devastating experience knocks me back into my fortified walls. Or when a momentary overwhelming feeling of loneliness settles in. But I want to make it clear that I don’t think of these instances to reminisce on what I’ve lost, or even to do a pity party, or a woe is me chant. No! I think of them because those feelings make me happy. Happy that I actually was able to experience such a powerful emotion. Happy that even despite the uncertainties that life brings, for a brief moment I felt love in all its richness and grandeur.

The gaze is a powerful phenomenon surrounded by yearning, pheromones and enigma. It’s something that makes you feel invincible. But with this awe-inspiring power comes delirium and a susceptibility to goofiness, vulnerability and even allowing the giver of the gaze more leeway then what you ever intended. So take great care when receiving the gaze. Cherish it, adore it, and be mindful of it. The whizzing of whimsy will engulf you; revel in it. Even if I never am able to receive the gaze from another man again, at least I can look back in fondness of the ones I have had the honour of obtaining.

❤ ❤ ❤


The Notebook – The reality is love is not like the movies…


The only movie I cried like a baby to is The Notebook. I’m pretty secure with myself to admit that in writing. There you have it, I’m not a complete cold-hearted bitch (which my ex-boyfriend so kindly labelled me on several occasions…I’m secure to put that in writing as well).

This movie for some reason makes me want to believe in the fairy tale of love as well as making me look at my life and wanting to kill myself all at the same time. How can one movie do that to you? Sometimes I used to put it on when my then boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch. Or when I would end a relationship, or even when I was on the verge of killing men. I would find solace in putting it on relaxing and re-energising my love for romance. It was that or me going on a murdering rampage directed towards all the douchebags of the world. Since I did not want to lead a life of criminal mischief I always decided to watch the movie. Here’s the thing though, putting this movie on everytime is not really doing any favours for me. It literally drives me crazy. I sit there and wish I could find a man who would love me like Noah. To wish for something like that and then have a glimmer of hope that it might be out there is let’s face it, bullshit. No wonder women have such a warped sense of love and on top of that have the highest expectations on the planet. It’s ridiculous. And yet, on top of my negativity I still have that hope for a fairy tale romance. How is that even possible?

I am pretty sure that women relate to movies on a much higher unrealistic level more so than men. Men just want to be James Bond and envision themselves with all the gadgets and women for that matter. We are the ones that watch the rom-coms, romantic dramas or more accurately put, the mushy mush of lovey dovey rainbows and unicorns. We then look at our partners with a sideways glance of annoyance because while we are watching the love fest on our screens we are running a list off in our head of our partners not doing what the leading man in the movie is doing. I know, it’s ridiculous, but it’s true. How many times have you sat down and watched a lovey dovey movie sighing because your life has not come even close to that level of intense love. Here’s the thing people, it is a movie. Yes, after the countless of times I have sat my ass down to see it and to wish upon every holy wishable thing on this earth that one day it would eventually come true, it won’t. Maybe some form of liveable love exists. But to put all your hopes into such a perfect form of love is unattainable and most definitely unrealistic.


It is not just about the actions of the characters in this movie, it has the dialogue as well. Nicholas Sparks is a bastard! Him and his perfect characters, perfect loves and perfect endings. He has made it exceptionally hard for us ladies out there. Just to have a man say the right words at the right time without any fuck-ups or jokes is impossible these days. Throughout all the loves of my life I can put my hand on my heart and say there might have been one man in my life that knew how to string words in to some loveable sentences; who also knew that actions spoke louder than words. So I can say that I had it once in my life. And because of him I will always know that some form of loveable romance does exist. But I have not had it since then which makes me weary that I will never experience it again. So for me to watch this movie over and over again must be a slow form of masochistic torture. It is as if this movie is the be all and end all of what love should be like. That is just too much pressure to befall upon one lady’s shoulders. But I carry this weight around and with every bloom of a promising new love venture this weight is at the fore front blocking any chance of letting that bud turn in to a nurtured flower.

Therefore I propose that us ladies stop wishing for the unattainable and instead embrace a partner that shows and acts his version of love out. It may not be an earth shattering love but if you let them show you without you wanting more on top of what they give you then you might have a good thing going.

I am a great advocate for showing two sides to every coin so in this case I will also be on the side of men. Yes, I am not a hater of men really. I tend to give most the benefit of the  doubt in the beginning. So I’m just going to say it. It is hard for men these days as well. How can they ever live up to the knight in shinning armour? It is a hard role to play. And yet here we are trying to reenact a movie. Love will never be perfect, sex is awkward, and crying will eventually happen. The funny thing is is that if a man does show up and professes his undying love for us by showering us with romance we actually don’t really know what to do with it. We then think he is hiding something or he is just doing that in the beginning to get in our pants. So even when the chance comes along for us to play the leading lady in an epic romance we genuinely think this is too good to be true. No wonder men have no clue how to approach us women. If the romantic ones out there forget to open the door one time us women will then turn around and think that he isn’t attentive anymore or he isn’t interested in us anymore. I mean these poor men will never be able to win.

All in all let’s give these guys some slack. Life is hard and if you get to find someone who will want to tackle the hardships of life with you then you have a keeper. I am not saying to get rid of your expectations. Everyone should be treated with respect and have expectations of being treated like a queen. I do feel that if you lose your expectations then you will also lose your sense of worth. You will become those girls that let men walk all over you, the ones where you think booty calls are an acceptable form of courting, where men will treat you the same way you perceive yourself. Therefore if you let them get away with murder then they will. So one should always keep themselves in high regards.

Thinking that you deserve a love like the movies is fine. One should always think they deserve only the best. But don’t expect a love like Allie and Noah’s. That is the concoction of a different era, the era of the written love. Written love is different to the reality of love. Maybe in a time far before ours there was space for the dance of love. Time moved slower back then. Time might have stood still to take a stroll under the stars, to stop and dance in the middle of the street, to slow down for the anticipation of a first kiss. But today’s modern fast paced motion of love is so quick you might just miss it if you blink.

I sometimes swear at myself for going through the motion of watching this movie at my lowest points in life. But I then realise that it’s ok to dream and hope. I am fully aware that it is just a movie. But I am also aware that life needs some movie magic and a sparkle of hope. I need to hold on to that love. For even if I never experience a strong connection with someone at least until the day I die I can still have hope.