When a Loaded Word (c**t) is Flung in Your Direction…

Today started off as any other day. I sent out my CV to potential job opportunities (I was made redundant), had lunch and then decided to do my daily walk around town.  It would always end at my local Waitrose (grocery store chain in the UK) where I would pick up a few necessities and then make my way to Costa Coffee where I would splurge and get my decaf peach iced tea. Yes, that is what I call splurging at the moment. This has been my routine, my world, for the last 2 months. A simple one. But today was not like any other day, today was the day I was called an uneducated C**t in an upscale grocery store.

I personally hate the ‘C’ word. Which is why I can’t even bring myself to write it down in this post. Yes, I have written swear words unapologetically before. But this one is something I can’t do. And the word carries a more loaded, heavier, vulgar connotation when it’s being easily flung by a man’s lips towards your direction. It becomes even weightier when you search into his eyes and know that if you were alone with him and not in a crowded store with witnesses, the scene would have ended in a very different way.

It all started as I was waiting in line to pay for my things. There was a man who was two people behind me talking. At first I thought he was talking to someone but then I realised that he was complaining about waiting in line. He started swearing and saying the staff were incompetent and other abusive nonsense. The woman behind me, who was much older than I, was getting agitated and a little fearful. As we waited he kept on saying these things under his breath but loud enough for his neighbouring line members to understand everything. The woman that was behind me left the line. And I simply had enough. So I turned to him and said ” We are all waiting and I know it sucks to wait but relax it will go by quick.” That was all I said. He paused turned to look at me and went in. “Mind your own fucking business, who the fuck are you. Mind your own fucking business.” I was not shocked at his response because I realised he was a man that was always itching for a fight no matter who it was with. I’m pretty sure that even a 90 year old defenceless woman would have felt his wrath had she dared to utter two words to him. So I turned around, without saying another word and went to the cashier to pay. Unfortunately now his rage was not directed at the staff but towards me.

As I was trying to pay he approached the cashier line and to my dismay he came to the next cashier closest to me and kept on spewing his venom in my direction. I finally said loudly ” Is this what you do? You start fights and verbally attack women?” And with that he paid, brushed right past me and said “shut the fuck up you uneducated C**T!!!” as he walked out the store. The hatred that he had for me was palpable. It was as if I had killed his own mother. It pored out of him easily, without remorse or embarrassment.  I didn’t realise it at the time, but I allowed myself to become so flustered that my whole body started shaking uncontrollably. It took all my strength to try and get my Visa card into that thin slot and punch in the correct numbers. I was shaking because I saw red, I saw a man who was allowed to walk the streets and spew hatred everywhere he went and all I could think about was beating the shit out of that poor excuse of a human being. Obviously I would have lost because he was a built brainless gorilla, but I would have given it my all nonetheless.

For some reason it got to me. This exchange shook me and I think it was because an aggressively large man that was obviously holding onto a lot of repressed anger killed me with two words. I allowed those words to have meaning. I gave them power. But I later realised that I was most upset because my old self would have stood there in defiance. Would have taken it and not flinched and cried afterwards  as she walked by herself towards home. I would have brushed it off and carried on without a care in the world. My old self would have held her ground in that grocery store. And that’s when I realised that somewhere along the way, I had lost myself. With all my health problems, and stress about money and finding a job and not having true support from friends or family it had all chipped away at me. All to the point of not being able to stand there and defend myself like I once knew how to do.

Granted if we were to replace the aggressive man with an aggressive woman then I’m pretty sure those words wouldn’t have stung so deep. Unfortunately it wasn’t. And unfortunately this man, didn’t know my backstory when we met on the battlefield. He didn’t know that I was suffering and trying to overcome my own demons. He didn’t know that I was a shell of the woman I once was. But even if he did I’m pretty sure he would have acted in the same manner. Because some people don’t care how they affect others. Some people just like to feel powerful and words can belittle a person’s soul even more so than a physical wound ever could. Words, if heard often enough can wither you down to the point of losing all self-worth. It’s funny because as I look back on my life, it has always been the words that I have remembered the most and not the physical altercations. And if you hear enough of them in your lifetime it becomes a constant battle to always remember that you are a human being who deserves love just like everyone else.

I don’t know the story behind the man with the vinegar tongue but I’m pretty sure it’s a sad one. I’m pretty sure his upbringing wasn’t the best. Equally, I’m almost certain that he had a male figure in his life that has passed on these vulgar tones of hatred in his soul; probably coupled with a mother who didn’t show him enough love as a child. I’ve seen people come from similar backgrounds who vow never to be like their predecessors. But alas, I don’t know his story so I won’t sit and ponder the what if’s of his youth. But somewhere along his lifeline, this man fell between the cracks and anger has been the fuel to aid his fire. All I feel, in this moment, is pity for him. That is the only thing I will allow myself to give to that man.

As for me, I will brush this off. I have brushed this off. But I’m sharing this because I wanted to express my sorrow for those who use words as a venomous weapon. Please choose your words wiser next time. Try and envision where your opponents shoe’s have been. Don’t be so quick to jump the gun and plough someone down without a care in the world. What we all need to do is start using words that hold the receiver’s best interests at heart. We need to be uplifting people. We need to educate children better in order for them to grow up and be caring individuals. And above all, we must be kind to one another at all times. We are not here on this planet for very long, wouldn’t you want your legacy to be that of a kind, giving and caring human being?

❤ ❤ ❤

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Dream. Believe. Create. Succeed.

dream succeed create

Ah quotes! A statement to live up to and create goals for. I’m not going to lie, I truly love a good ol’ quote like the rest of them. Sometimes they just encapsulate how you’re feeling in a sentence or two. Not to mention it kinda makes you feel like you aren’t the only one out there in this big ol’ world. If someone has created the quotes, that means that same someone would have felt like that at one point in time. It’s nice to feel a connection in that moment after you’ve read a touching, motivational quote. Some may console your sadness, while others lift you up to the heavens. I suppose this post will be a gentle ‘quote’ reminder to not forget your dreams.

I don’t know if you pandas are anything like me but there will be months that go by, before I realise that I have once again put my dreams and ambitions on the back-burner. *Cough for example me leaving this blog dormant for a couple weeks *Cough. Routine sets in right? Not to mention the every day poop that you have to deal with, making you inevitably too exhausted to the point of almost getting amnesia about your ambitions. It sucks!

So what is a girl to do? I have decided to make a plan and stick with it. I would always look at the big picture and become overwhelmed, hence me slacking. But I noticed that when I tackled tiny things every day then it get’s me to my goals. Sure, it takes longer. And sure, I’m an impatient annoying person. But through time I know I can kick that too!

So all I’m going to say is, try and take 5 minutes out of your day to get your dreams in check. That way you can then think up ways to fulfil them. Yes, it takes time. And YES, you have to keep at it. But I’m telling you that in the long run you will be pleased at the outcome. Pushing yourself (in a healthy non-obsessive way) gets you to hone in on what you want out of life.

Therefore, start something today that you’ve always wanted to do. It’s completely up to you. You can start off with a tiny ambition and then work your way up to the gigantic ones. It really doesn’t matter. All you have to do is believe that you can. And then…. just start!

I’ve already started…. by writing this post! Eventually I will gradually build up to several posts a week again. Fingers crossed!

So get going Pandas!!

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The Only Photo Editing Apps You Will Ever Need…Make your selfies and landscape photos pop!

best photo editing apps ever

Pandas! It’s no secret that I am always going on and on about photography and in particular iphoneography. To aid this addiction I have about 200 apps. Sadly I wish I was joking at the amount. I am literally obsessed with finding the best apps a girl can get her hands on. It has practically turned into a fun quest of the modern ages for me.

Before I ever got a fancy smart phone, I used to take my DSLR camera everywhere. It was my baby. After I would take loads of photos I would come back home, upload them onto my laptop and then begin the magical process of Photoshop. I swear that program is gold. But slowly my love for the laborious task of editing each photo soon became a burden of epic proportions. And that’s because I found the world of apps. I now can’t remember the last time I took a digital compact camera out with me. Every photo has been captured through my iPhone. It has turned into a one-stop-shop  for photography. So because of this love, I thought I should share some of the best apps around that I use to edit my photos. These will include selfie helpers and landscape fixer-uppers.

Best Filters for your Selfie Obsession:

Screen Shot 2015-11-18 at 10.29.26 The B612 app is a great little app to make you look your best in the selfie game. When you open the app you can flip through the many filters until you are happy with the one that you’ve chosen and you can start capturing photos right on the spot. It’s handy because you don’t have to do any post editing to get the right filter for the shot. But it doesn’t just stop there. It also takes videos with the filters and both cameras on your smart phone are equipped through the app. There have been days where I look like a train-wreck and this app has saved the day!

VSCOcam VSCOcam is your go-to app for every filter imaginable. You have to import the photos that you want to edit but it’s very simple and easy to use. Sometimes I struggle with which filters to use because there are that many!

Best Overall Photo-editor:

Snapseed appSnapseed (by Google) is by far the best photo-editing app around. It enhances your snaps to a very high standard. Sometimes I even get shocked that some of my photos were actually captured with a smart phone camera. It perplexes me I tell you! Here’s some examples taken by me of course…

For Extra special effects:

Screen Shot 2015-11-18 at 13.05.41

LensLight is a special app that allows you to add lens flares, suns (like actual suns and glares from a sun), bokeh, and glitter. You can even add a moon and lightening if you wanted to. I will show you some examples at the end.

Reflect Mirror Camera app

Reflect Mirror Camera is simply stunning. I never thought I would have such fun with an app like this. Basically, it allows you to add water, whether it be oceans, beaches, ice or lakes to your image. It will then reflect your capture into the water. It’s expanded to floor surfaces, sci-fi and tiled surfaces. Some of you guys will probably say, how good could this app be?! But after I show you some examples you will freak the F***k out!

Camera360

Camera360 not only enhances your landscape photography it fixes up your selfies with the portrait feature as well. This is another all-rounder which would come in second after Snapseed, because let’s face it, nothing should come before it. But where this app rules the roost is in it’s effects. You are able to put filters such as ‘Magic sky’ (enhances your skyscapes) ‘Starry Night’ (gives your stars in your skyscape captures) and many more filters.

Ok here are some examples, using my photos of all the apps just mentioned:
(please click on the images to enlarge them if you want)

And below is what the final picture looks like after I’ve used these apps. The far left one’s are the originals.

Best photo editing apps ever

The Best Selfie editor around:

Perfect 365

Okay can I just say, I think I’ve saved the best for last when it comes to the selfie game. The app is none other than the Perfect365. Where do I even start with this one?! This app takes your selfie shots and smoothes out any blemishes that you would like to tweak. Not only does it smooth complexions but it gives you makeup. I mean, it literally puts makeup on your face. It comes with presets built in, or you can edit each thing individual. For example you can edit your lip colour as well as whiten your teeth and add lip gloss. You can also change your eye colour, grow longer eyelashes, and tame your eyebrows.

To show the effectiveness of this app I decided to take selfies of myself with no makeup on apart from foundation and the tiniest amount of lipgloss and then transform myself into a beauty. I’m not going to toot my own horn but this app made me feel pretty. Well, it made me have two thoughts, one was that I could clean up really well if I had the money. And two was, how the hell did all these wrinkles form. I need to stop laughing so I won’t form new ones!

I’m not sure that this app would do your self-esteem any favours but it can for a brief moment make you think that you too could be on the cover of vogue. Either way it’s a pretty awesome app. You can make the subtlest of changes or go full out on fun mode.

(Don’t forget to click on the images to make them bigger)

And here’s a close up:

Best app Perfect365

Best app Perfect365

Best app Perfect365

I also fixed some other selfies that I took to see what the outcome would be with makeup already on my face…

And there you have it… the best selfie editor EVER!

Okay panda’s I’m sure you’re sick of seeing my face! So that’s it for today. If you have any questions or comments feel free to write your hearts out at the bottom of this post!

Side note: Don’t go too overboard with editing the hell out of yourselves. Even I wouldn’t be putting any of these enhanced photos anywhere on my social media unless I said it was edited. However that being said, it sure is fun to look at them and imagine myself on an exotic photo shoot somewhere.

Peace, Love and Happiness

❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

Happy Friday Pandas

Happy Friday... Friday feelingI know some of you are freaking out because today happens to be the 13th which also happens to fall on a Friday. Yikes, Friday the 13th! To most of you out there it’s considered the worst day ever. I mean the worst day since the beginning of time. But I think we need to stop putting so much stock into these things.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You probably want to say to me that Friday the 13th is real because something jinxed you today. Well, have you ever taken a step back and thought that it might be because you were talking about this dreaded day. And because of all that yapping, you were in fact bringing bad joojoos upon yourself. It’s like when you think negatively, negative things start happening. You are pre-empting an awful day. So stop doing it. Today is just any other day. But most importantly it’s the day that kicks off the weekend. And beside, did you know that in my Greek culture Friday the 13th is not considered a day of bad luck? In fact, we consider Tuesday the 13th a really bad joojoo day!

Therefore, today will be the start of a great weekend for all you pandas out there. You will go on adventures and make the most out of what you’ve got. Go to a market, get some fresh flowers, take some amazing pictures, laugh with friends, cuddle up at home and read a great book. Go on a mini-break somewhere you’ve never been to before. Go clubbing and chat/dance with someone that catches your eye. Do something spontaneous. Whatever you do, just be sure it will make you happy. Look to this weekend as an alternate universe where everything you do will be great!

And for goodness sake… stop with all this Friday the 13th hooey!

As for me I will be doing this….

drinking quote

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Quote of The Day: The Comfort of Feeling Safe With Someone

Comfort: Quote of the day

My dear fluffy pandas, this is going to be a super quick post today. And because of the swiftness, I thought I would leave you with a good quote (Featured image).

***

My thought when I read this is that I miss the intimacies of being in a relationship sometimes. The understanding between two people. The downright psychic powers you possess in knowing what your partner is doing and what each personality trait means no matter how much of a micro-expression it is.

And like this quote says, it’s comfort. You are at ease. No guards have been raised. No walls have been built. You are 100% trusting the person you are with and know without a shadow of a doubt that you can say and do things that show the real you. The true you. Ah, it genuinely is a wonderful feeling to be comfortable with someone. And boy do I miss that solid ground sometimes. All this questioning and dating malarky gets stressful. All you couples out there have no clue what us singles are going through on a daily basis. You guys are comfy and loved up, without a care in the world. While you’re doing lovey-dovey telepathy with one another, us singletons are screaming off the top of our lungs to be heard. So to be honest you couples disgust me. Yeah I said it! Look at you being all comfy. Sitting on a comfy throne being all loved up. Okay, okay, I’m done.

Oh who knows, maybe one day when I stop being so suspicious of men’s intentions I might appreciate the simplicity that comfort would bring. Until then, I will reminisce fondly from afar.

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Us Watching Shia LaBeouf Watching Shia LaBeouf… Wait What?

Shia LaBeouf Live

Ok pandas normally I don’t post current news but today I thought I will make an exception. Reason being? Today is the day I found out that Shia LaBeouf is being filmed at a movie theatre in New York. No, it is not for an upcoming film. It’s for I’m guessing, personal artistic purposes. In this project, we, the voyeurs, are watching him watching his movies. It’s just of his face and nothing else. There is no sound, just his movements and his facial expressions. This performance started from his most recent movies and is working backwards, whereupon he will keep watching one after another without sleeping. It’s supposed to last for 3 days.

When I first saw this new project, obviously yet another development into his realm of performance art, I laughed. I laughed out loud. A big snort and all. When I think of performance art I think of Marina Abramovic who I was honoured to see at the Serpentine Gallery last year in Hyde Park, London. I even studied Performance art funnily enough. I get it and I can understand that it’s always open to interpretation. As in, there’s no right answer sometimes. As soon as my initial reactions started to subside I realised that I was not being an objective viewer. I was looking at this from the celebrity point of view. That this man was just seeking even more attention. How could I not think this after all his stunts and arrests and bullshit. Also a part of it is because we never see the likes of Abramovic in the press other then when she’s doing a new performance piece. But then I thought hang on, I’m judging someone who I don’t know. This is not me as a person. I don’t care what others do. Yet here I was judging. I think it’s because society has built this empire out of judging people and I’m afraid some has rubbed off on me. So I decided to look at this from the point of view of an artist and I can now see that you can interpret this in a performance art piece kind of way. How you might ask? Well here I am, leaving the live streaming video of Shia LaBeouf open on one of my Google tabs. I am literally watching a man that is watching his own movies at a cinema. And then I thought of society and how we have built this love of voyeurism. We would watch Kim Kardashian sleep if we could. I think it says a lot about us as humans. We like to watch and judge others. Personally, I would watch this for hours just to see if I can catch some nose pickings. Joke, pandas! Or was it? Anyway, you could interpret this any way you want. In fact you could see Abramovic’s style in some of his pieces if I’m being completely honest. I think if he truly loves doing this, then he’s got a ways to go. He needs to find his own voice. But I am not hating on him because of this.

Here’s the thing. LaBeouf is a bit off his rocker, BUT, I’m not going to lie, I still really like him. I Think as an actor he gets the job done. In fact he hasn’t even reached his full potential. He seems like he’s trying to figure life out but doesn’t want to conform to society. To be free. So, sure, he is a bit different. But isn’t that what makes us awesome individuals? Maybe you will think I’m crazy, but there’s just something that’s undefinable about him. I actually DO  want to watch him and see more of him. However, this could be me and the unconventional people I become attracted to. I’m odd too you know!

Either way, all I’m saying is, even Marina Abramovic was once misunderstood. Maybe 30 years from now we will be singing his praises and maybe we won’t. Can we all just leave it at that?! Now… If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stare at LaBeouf stare at LaBeouf movies.

* To watch his live streaming session go to Newhive.com and click on #AllMyMovies. It’s the first video up on the main page

 

9 Beauty Must-Haves… All £9 and Under!

Beauty Must-haves

Pandas if it’s one thing I completely get, is shopping on a micro-budget. It’s not only hard weeding through all the bad ones out there but it’s time consuming. I literally grab a new product every month just to try it. My method is the trial and error one. So if it’s awful, I move on. But throughout the many attempts at finding gold I managed to find a few keepers along the way.

Behold… My 9 beauty must-haves. Oh, by the way, the cost of each product is in British pounds because I now live in London. But I’m pretty sure you could get most of these in other countries. If not, then definitely online.

  1. Sally Hansen – ‘Insta-Dri Anti Chip Top Coat’ (£5.99): This bad boy is the best top coat I have ever bought in my whole entire life. It definitely does what it says on the tin. Believe me when I say I have tested all top coats and this is by far my go-to one. I won’t even cheat on Ms. Hansen with another brand. That’s how much I love it. I always do a base coat, then two coats of paint and finish off with this. Sometimes I do designs on my nails so it ends up being more than two coats of paint. And this beauty is right there to hold me down for days and days. Sally Hansen is everywhere so if you aren’t living in England, don’t worry. It is definitely in your country.
  2. C.O. Bigelow – ‘My favorite Lip Balm’ (£8.50): This is another product that is music to my ears. It comes from the States but luckily Liberty’s (an expensive department store) stocks the brand well. It really makes your lips feel like you’ve been soaking them in the softest of materials.
  3. Sleek Divine Eye Shadow in ‘Oh So Special’ (£7.99): There are many eye palette’s to choose from; I have 3 so far. It’s great value for money. The application sets well on your eyelids and the colours really do pop once you put them on. Sleek has a really good CC foundation cream as well and this brand truly rules for all skin types. In fact it’s tailored more towards the darker skin tones. So this brand would be great for all you darker-skined beauties out there.
  4. Eylure Nourish & Growth Brow ‘Nourishing Oil’ (£8.45): Can I just say, my eyebrows have seen better days. Like before I knew what tweezers were. Throughout the last four years, yes FOUR! I have been trying to grow my eyebrows. They have not been cooperating. Maybe it’s payback for all the over-plucking I used to do. And if that’s the case, then I deserve my punishment. I have looked far and wide for something that could help me out and luckily as I was doing one of my Google search marathons I stumbled across the Eylure brand. It’s got essential oils like rosemary that help make hair grow. It has been a slow process, but I have seen quite a significant difference. So if you’re like me who used to abuse your tweezer privileges then this is definitely for you. Trust me!
  5. Seventeen’s Miracle Matte Primer (£4.99): I can’t even begin to tell you how good this product works for me. Getting a good primer has been one of my missions for a while now. Fortunately, I like roaming the makeup aisles at stores. At the time I was on a mission to find something else when this miracle caught my eye. This product keeps your face matte for hours and really helps your application of concealer and foundation go on smoothly.
  6. Crabtree & Evelyn Rosewater Hand Cream (£9.00): I don’t care who you are, everyone needs to keep their hands moisturised. Apart from our feet, they are the only body parts that are exposed to a great deal of wear and tear. So carrying a hand cream on you is a definite must.
  7. Real Techniques Makeup Sponge (£5.99): Foundation is your base for your masterpiece, is it not? So unless you are 5 years old, you should not be finger painting on anything any more and that includes your face! I know friends who still use their hands! Oh I can’t. Anyway, this sponge really gets the job done right. Invest in sponges!
  8. Zara Woman Rose Gold Eau De Parfum (£5.99): There was a time where I would carry around my big clunky perfumes in my bag. They were my emergency stash. But I was getting super tired of carry so much crap around with me. I don’t know if you know this about me but, I hate bags/purses/clutches etc. If it were up to me, I would stuff everything in my jacket pockets. So while I was in Zara I saw this cute little scented beauty calling out to me. The fragrance is not pungent or over-the-top. And it’s perfect for those last minute fixes after work as you’re about to meet up with a dinner mate.
  9. Vaseline Original Pure Petroleum Jelly (£2.99): Okay, this right here has been in the family since I was born probably. My Grandma had it and I’m sure her Mom’s Mom had it too. This baby does everything. I buy the tinier version as well and take it with me. It has so many uses! Lip balm, lip exfoliator (use child toothbrush to get your lips kissable smooth) tame your eyebrows, helps your eyelashes grow silkier and longer, body moisturiser (I use it on my elbows), use on your fingernails to keep cuticles soft, a face moisturiser and the list could go on and on and on! This is by far the best product that you could have and it’s the cheapest! Double score!

There you have it. My 9 must-haves. Hope you enjoyed it! Okay my pandas, I’m off to get some beauty sleep.

Peace, Love and Cheap Beauty Products

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