When Monday Motivational Quotes Don’t Do The Trick… (battling with depression, anxiety and panic attacks)

al bundy giphy

So my little pandas, I’m going to try and talk about depression, panic/anxiety attacks in the lightest way possible. Key word being… try, because quite frankly I don’t want to get myself worked up again to the point where funny gifs won’t be able to do their job anymore.

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The Demise Of A Diet In Seven Days…

Dieting


I know I keep writing about diets but I think it’s because I just can’t ever stick to them. Will power is an unknown term in my head. So I decided to show what my  mind goes through in seven days when I start a diet.

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Boo-ing It Up With Boo Tea

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I hang my head down with embarrassment as I openly admit, I have an addiction to Holland & Barrett. Whenever I walk in there I feel like a greedy little kid in a candy store. I literally want to buy everything and when the penny sale is on, I pick up two of everything. I’m not sure if embarrassment is the correct word to use. After all I could be addicted to worse things. Instead I like to walk into Holland & Barrett and look at all the wonderful foods and supplements that they have on offer. Most days I pick up almond butter, dried cranberries, nuts and my fav, raw coconut oil. I use that for everything which I will tell you about in another post. Other days I will go in there to buy, Spirunlina (amaze-balls!) and raspberry Ketones (not quite sure about this one but I buy it nonetheless). And of course sometimes when my sweet monster rears it’s ugly head, I end up getting chocolate covered raisins for the days I want to be fat and comfy.

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Snails On Ya Face… Snaa, Snails On Ya Face!

Image taken from shefinds.com

Image taken from shefinds.com


So, who’s up for a little escargot on ya face? And no, that’s not a new euphemism for jizzing on one’s face now. Ha! But it totally could be! OH!! It could also totally be like a fancy diss in a rap song…”Snaa Snails on YO FACE! Cuzz I be escargoting all ovah tha place!” What do ya think? Ok, ok, I’ll get back to the topic at hand.

I read a little while ago about a facial that they were doing in Japan where they were letting snails slither all over people, leaving a trail of snail goo in their wake. Yes, they have harvested some poor ol’ snails, probably from France and instead of leaving them there for their eventual death as a “delicacy”, they are now confronted with a life long sentence of doing hard labour on peoples faces. What a cruel punishment! I somehow feel like dying a quick death is more humane than a life sentence. And just what have the snails of the world done that’s so bad for them now to be colonised into slaves for beauty? Surely if they could talk they would be cursing out that guy who woke up one morning and said “Oh mon dieu, Oui!” (Let’s go with him being French ok!) “I’ve got it. I wheell poot sam snail slime on my face. Oui!”.

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Dieting Has Officially Driven Me crazy…

Diets

 


 

I tried… I honestly tried. For years I attempted to better myself but I think it’s about time that I just face the facts and say that doing these rigid dieting treatments is not for me. I love food way too much and I definitely don’t mind being the only fatty in the city. Ok, sometimes I do but if it’s at the expense of losing the will to live then forget it. God knows all the health freaks of the world are going to slaughter me but you know what I say to them… I’m not judging your lifestyle choices, so don’t judge mine.

Every new diet that gets traction has been discussed between me and my girlfriends. One says they are on the 5;2 diet and the rest jump on the bandwagon. Another tried that maple syrup detox shit for 14 days and the rest hopped on the express train to slimsville.  Do you know the will power that you must have to only drink a diet concoction for 14 days and that’s it. I mean I barely have the will power to get out of the house on the weekends. Most of the time I am one lazy bitch. I have no will power to speak of.

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Eat Butter… The exhaustion of all these food revelations

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I’m sure by now you’ve heard that Time magazine has officially stated that eating butter is back on the menu. If you haven’t seen their latest cover then here you go…

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I for one am not mad at this new revelation. How can I be? It’s telling me to eat butter! Who the hell could get mad at that. What my panties are getting tangled up about is the fact that it is yet one more revelation to add to the millions already in circulation. This is making me want to shout out, ‘hey 21st century scientists/researchers/ dieticians/nutritionists/all-seeing-eyes  You gat lots ah esplaainnin tooo douu!’ (say it again in a thick Spanish accent…I’ll wait).

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