So my little pandas, I have been MIA lately and I can only send you 1000 apologies for that. In a nutshell I have changed jobs and for the past 7 weeks my stomach has felt like Mount Vesuvius. It was affecting me so much that I couldn’t even leave my house in fear that I would randomly explode on public transport. I’m sure that’s painted a wonderful picture but that’s my life at the moment. It ain’t all roses. On top of that, I had major stress that I would be fired because I kept having to leave. But luckily as of right now they have been understanding about the situation. But who knows if this continues.
In these past several weeks, I’ve been so down in the dumps that I did some woe is me kind of thinking. My conclusion? Is that life is way too short and I have wasted many years of it. I also realised that if you don’t have your health then you don’t have anything. The joy of walking around and not needing to be near a bathroom is like a foreign act for me nowadays. It’s hindered everything. Slowly I know I’m getting better but as I’m sure you can guess, my mental faculties were fried. Exhaustion and stress took over and negativity and moping were my new friends.
As I sat around being sulky I couldn’t help but think ‘Man, I haven’t achieved much up until now…’ I literally work, sleep and eat. Which if I’m being completely honest is not a healthy way to live. Alone all the time and work? No, it should definitely be more than that.
Flashbacks started coming to me of a girl many moons ago, full of hopes and dreams, knowing that she would never lead a settled, 9-5 life. She sensed that she would do big things. But alas life has a humorous way of weaving you through an obstacle course that’s so vast and tangled you eventually forget what you’re striving for.
And on that note, I should mention that next Friday the 8th of July is my 33rd birthday. So now you know where my head’s at and why I’ve been moping more than usual. Add the Mount Vesuvius issues and you’ve got a mess of epic proportions. The paranoid fears in my mind are concocting scenarios such as whispers being heard from all across the land of an old lonely spinster bitch who can’t even afford a goldfish for company. My only hope is that if I stick up a lot of affirmations and goals around my place I will subconsciously start to change for the better. Therefore to get me going I’ve made a bucket list of the things that I believe one should do before they die.
Here you go…