Despite my recent disastrous fling with a moron, I am still quite open to meeting the so called “One”. I mean let’s be honest, who am I to pooh-pooh an emotion that has been around since the invention of time, even if my idea of men has declined throughout the years. I still want to believe, I know that much. I suppose I still feel like there might be something out there. However, I am also accepting of the fact that it might never happen for me, which believe me, I have come to terms with. But before I officially wave the white flag and succumb to a life of solitude, I have chosen openness in changing my views a little.
Take a look at the following quote… It kinda makes you go… “well I’ll be…that makes sense”. How many of us become filled with anxiety, wonderment, as if you’re chasing an elusively cunning fox at the start of a hunt? I have felt like that on almost all of my budding romances. The never knowing, the questioning, the annoyance of never understanding actions or lack there of. Now ladies, before you analyse the above to oblivion and back by saying that the heart pounding , weak knees thing is a sure fire sign of knowing that you are falling for someone, forgive me, I don’t believe it is. I have come to the conclusion, after many hours of deliberation, that those strong uncontrollable feelings is the initial infatuation that kicks in. We have to push those to the side, not erasing them mind you, just enough to have a clear and level head. Because as we all know, no one thinks clearly once their hoohaa has been contaminated by a penis. Clear all that hocus-pocus out of the way and feel your inner self with this human being you’ve started a relationship with. Does it feel calm? Does it quench your sanity? Do you feel at ease? As if you were in that comfortable stage of pre-slumber. You know what I’m talking about right? That feeling when you’re lying in your bed, all safe, secure, having found the best position known to man. You give a very satisfying exhale which makes room for the deepest inhale of elation that your body has ever felt. It’s a great feeling. That’s the feeling I equate with the quote above. That euphoric feeling that coats you all over. That sensation of pure and utter zen-praying mantis-meditation of being- on another level of calm type of elevation. If the answer is no, and stress, anxiety and whatever else restricting you from a Mr. Miyagi, wax on wax off status, then I’m afraid it’s time to bounce.
As I thought more and more about the quote, I started to realise that I too wanted to have that sense of calm with someone. I didn’t want those games of the heart. I was tired of all the organ pounding and weakening of limbs. The thought of being with someone and feeling no anxiety was an odd concept to think about. We as women are always anxious about relationships. Questions flood our brains. Insecurities soon take over. Internal battles commence. And you are left pretty much wrecked and feeling like a fool.
After analysing the relationships throughout my life, most of them were met with the cupids syndrome; diagnosis of weakened knees and other nonsense. However not all was lost. There did happen to be two that I felt calm with. Both who made the phrase “Easy like Sunday morning” make sense. It was easy with them. Having little to no anxiety was a good thing for me mentally and agitation was unheard of. Yet here is my slight dilemma. Now that I’ve had two such souls grace my personal space, does that mean I am all done for? Who knows. On the hopeful side, there were two, not one. Which one might conclude that if I can have two then who’s to say there won’t be a third? Therefore, I’m choosing to look at the world with a ‘half full’ attitude. I choose to change my views on what I should expect when starting off with someone new. No more weakened anything! I choose calmness and peaceful serenity instead. I am 120% good with that.
❤ ❤ ❤