Beauty in Today’s Society Has Got Me All Messed Up…

Mad, Frustrated at Beauty Industry

Last week someone snapchated me after about a year of not talking to each other. It wasn’t due to any one significant reason but a few little mediocre ones. All I’m saying is, he did some annoying/questionable things. But before I changed numbers I remembered him whatsapping me trying to meet up before he moved back to his country of origin. I, like all people who can’t be bothered to confront someone, ignored him. Anyway, long story short, he got back in touch and sent me a snap on a Saturday night about a week ago.

The reason as to why I’m yapping about this is because I was trying to set up some context my pandas. You see, I hadn’t seen this person in over a year. People change in a year and I certainly got fatter in a year. Everything is a chain reaction. Once I got fatter, I had to start changing things slightly when capturing myself for others to see. A bit like an optical illusion, that of which even Criss Angel would be most proud of. There was no smiling. If there was, it would be captured from afar. Otherwise I had to strategically smirk, only just slightly, making sure it came across as warm, without showing teeth. The reason being so as my cheeks wouldn’t puff up like a blow fish and my eyes wouldn’t be squinty like Tom Hanks’. I give you my profile photo as exhibit A, to the right of this page. Did I portray warmth… No, in fact I look snooty as fuck.  I was my very own walking caricature when I gained weight. And thus I had to resort to illusions and trickery when taking snapchats, Facebook uploads and Instagram selfies. Why you might ask? Well, because our society of beauty clad Aphrodites are making me lose my marbles.

I’m going to reveal something to you guys. When my long lost friend snapchatted me I was looking like a dog. Glasses were on, no make-up on my face, bags under my eyes, shit was crammed in between my teeth, hair was so disgusting even the rats wouldn’t look to it as a home. I was beyond dishevelled. Obviously I had to send a snap back to not be impolite. And do you know what this loser (ME!) did? I physically got my make-up out and proceeded to apply contouring techniques to get the desired effect. I’m talking black winged eyes, bronzed cheeks and Snow Whites lips. I kid you not, I went full out. Hair and all. Next was taking the perfect snap. I situated myself near my balcony window for the best lighting conditions known to man. I lowered my chin, I tilted my head slightly to the right because my nose looks best at that angle. Jesus as I write this I want to hit myself over the head. But it’s all true. And this wouldn’t be a real confession if I wasn’t being completely honest. Next I push my left shoulder out a little to coax my collar bone out of hiding. Finally, I raise my eyebrows slightly to give off an “Oh I’m just slightly surprised, holding  the meaning of life ” look and finally I push my upper lip in a slight pout which not only makes my upper lip bigger (not in an ‘I pump my lips sort of way’) but it also makes the tip of my nose a little smaller. And voilà… the “quick” snapchat photo is born. Obviously I take a shot and then delete it until I get one that I’m somewhat satisfied with. How in the gods of feta cheese did I turn out this way? Sometimes I step out of myself and I realise how ridiculous all this is. Hence why I’m talking about it now. But most of the time I truly want to scream because I’m fairly certain that Beauty in the social media world has taken a toll on women like me.

When I go on Instagram the women on there make me really doubt myself. But it’s not fair for me to blame them, they’re just following society. And it says that beauty is in. It is always in. It is the cool girl at school. It is an A on your homework assignment. It is the promotion you get at work. It is that high when someone calls you pretty and you chase that feeling for the rest of your life. Because, we all want to be liked. And in this day and age, your personality comes second and your looks is what others judge first. It takes roughly 6 seconds to look at someone and get an impression of them. If they are put together you assume that they have their life sorted. If they look like me on my every days, which is a dishevelled werewolf, then you would assume that my life is pretty boring. Even though I might be a fun person once you get to know me, all that becomes moot if I don’t get my foot in the door with my looks. It’s sad isn’t it? How smart, beautiful on the inside and out women have to arrange their photos in a way to make themselves more confident. Magazines have tortured us for years and social media has exacerbated it to epic proportions. You might be sitting there thinking I’ve gone bonkers. And maybe I have. But the persona I put of myself on my social media channels has been meticulously curated, photo-wise.

When I finally took a moment after I sent that snap, I realised this need to always look perfect is ridiculous. I will never be perfect. And not everyone will like me. So I need to somehow take a selfie that has no filters on it and gasp, dare I even say, no make-up. Even when my friends take a photo of me (which is rare) I end up begging them not to post it. I’m starting to think this is some sort of disease. Surely, I’m not the only one.

Either way, this need of creating the perfect illusion is turning out to be my own personal monster. It goes everywhere with me. I started to think that it has gotten worse now that I gained more weight. And maybe it has. But I have always had this need to fix and prettify my photos since I got my very first Sony digital compact camera. Yet, somehow now, with how society is and how women portray themselves, it’s gotten worse. I see it and this, my dear fluffy pandas, is a hard game to play. It is a lonely game where the battles are lost more than they are won. And still, I pursue the path that society has placed upon me. That Beauty has placed upon me. The pursuit of everlasting beauty and the riches that come with it.

❤ ❤ ❤

By the way, I have yet to see any rewards in doing what I do. Yes, the photos that I take, boost up my confidence. But when I truly take time out and think about all of this, it has done more damage than good. The only solution? Is to start looking at myself in the mirror, face on, no make-up and learn to love me for who I am. Because as you know, real beauty is more than skin deep.

Panda out… x


18 thoughts on “Beauty in Today’s Society Has Got Me All Messed Up…

  1. I know that all you say about internet persona is true and it’s sad. What society views as pretty always gets more attention online. However, I kinda look at it the other way round though. If I present the worst possible shots of me on the internet then when I meet folks in person they are pleasantly surprised. Bwah ha ha ha. I’m not really interested in anyone who is only interested in the way I look. Maybe I’m more likely to think this way because I’ve taken so many of my online friendships offline? Ha ha who knows. Good luck with those perfect shots.

    • I hear ya! And thanks for stopping by and your comment! ❤️ 😀

      All I was trying to portray is that society has put a lot of pressure on us ladies. And I’m really tired of it all! I kind of wish I lived my adult life in the days of no internet. That must have been a simpler and kinder time in relation to society’s beauty standards. Now I’m bombarded with the next fitness crazes all day long and what creams will help you glow and blah blah blah. I would much rather talk about deeper things and get to know people for their awesome personalities and not through their altered profile picture. Wooosaah! Haha!

      • It is much harder now than it used to be but there are advantages to. For instance now you can see how someone comports themselves with others, how they respond politically, religiously, etc all before they even know your full name. Much easier to shake off a troll if he doesn’t already know where you live and work… 😉

  2. I love you for being honest, this was such a fun read 🙂 Have you seen my new FB photo? lol I have that What the fuck are you looking at me for look? & it was aimed for 1 particular person who actually liked my photo lol – & I was surprised w/ positive feedback for sure. Personally I like to show guys exactly who I am upfront so they know what they are getting, then if they are worth it & pass the more laidback/natural/middle ground test, then I will make an effort for them. PS: On Sat I wore glasses lol HUGE no-no

  3. Ali this is spot on. I too don’t bother taking any pictures of myself unless I’m made up and in good lighting – it sucks. In a round about way what that denotes is that I’m not worth bothering for unless I look good…I’m enlightened, I’m empowered and I know that this is all an illusion built to hurt women and keep us down enough about ourselves to spend our hard earned dough on devices and potions to make us feel better. As a larger lady I know the struggle of not actively hiding your weight but not showing it off either because people love to pick your weight as the first thing to make themselves feel better. I know all this why can I not seem to break away from it?

    I think we’re all just conditioned and the only way out of it is to let people see you looking less than perfect – much easier said that done.

    Thanks for this honest and revealing post, I like that you’re not afraid to tell the world that your social image – like everyone else’s- isn’t real. x

    • Thank you so much for your reply! It truly means a great deal. You are so right when you say we are conditioned. It’s a curse at the end of the day. All this social media hocus pocus! But I’m so happy that I’m not alone and that people like you are here to be positive and supportive. I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you stopped by. Here’s to the real girls, the not perfect girls and the girls praying for something more out of this life. Wishing you all the best! Xx

  4. You wrote exactly everything I feel and experience–I so appreciate the honesty in this. And while I’m not happy you are facing the same struggles as me, it is nice to know I’m not alone. So you’re not alone 🙂 I think it’s an all day every day battle to love ourselves BECAUSE of everything we are, not in spite of it. And to love ourselves with no regard for what society tells us makes us lovable. It’s hard, it feels impossible, but I’m going to keep fighting, and you inspire me to keep fighting! Thank you!

    • Guuuurrrlll!! You get me! And I’m so glad I’m not alone. It’s so hard to write these things. Because it’s opening up your soul to everyone out there on the Internet. But I write, at the end of the day, to connect! And I’m so glad I got to connect with you. The most important thing about social media is the positivity of others that genuinely what to discuss their inner workings with one another. And that’s what keeps us going. One day it would
      Be an honour to meet you! I feel like we would turn it out! Greek girl to Greek girl, we got this. We move on, are strong and we will find what we’re looking for. ❤️❤️❤️

      • Yes yes yes to all of that!! So beautifully said and written. And would LOVE to meet you one day and get our Greek on 😉 Until then, yes–we totally got this. We are free, beautiful, and fearless 🙂 ❤

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