Oh the bane of having to be sociable. It has been my Achilles heal for as long as I can remember. Okay, fine, to be honest I’ve been a hardcore grumpy grump hermit for the last three and a half years. As I’m sure you’ve gathered, dating hasn’t really been on my social to-do list lately. It’s not that I haven’t tried, it’s just that I miss the old way of how people met. You know, in person. Where they could witness your great personality first hand. Instead of a couple of pictures and some texts through a dating app.
Dating apps are the new black, in case you didn’t know. People aren’t shying away from telling others how they met their significant other. They are signing up to dozens of apps all in the hopes that the next swipe will be the start of a blossoming relationship. I have about 3-4 different dating apps on my phone. Which I’ll have you know, are collecting techie dust. All of them are slightly different. But the overall concept is still the same. You set up a profile by picking some cute photoshoped selfies of you smiling and puckering up all seductively to the camera. After that’s done you piece together a bio that makes you sound so awesome it would even make the likes of Jared Leto bow down to your coolness. Then, you sit your ass down on your big ol’ comfy couch, while exerting the least amount of energy known to man as you extend your index finger into the swiping position. Bing, bang, boom, you have officially become a member of the social butterfly gang. All in the comfort of your own home.
So why am I yapping about dating apps? Well it’s to set the scene properly of course! Pandas, do you know what they are about to unleash to an already beguiled world? A dating app that uses your Netflix viewing history to pair you up with a fellow lover of the couch potato persuasion. May I introduce Netfling, and boy do I have some questions about it. But before I get going, I will say this. It is definitely the most unique approach in getting onto the dating app scene.
A fling implies a brief love encounter, doesn’t it? So my first question (ok second if we’re being sticklers) is, will this dating app be a hook-up helper? It’s practically encouraging a stranger to come over to “watch a movie”. That’s my code phrase for when I want a guy over for sex. “Oh, why don’t you come over to my place, I have the new [insert latest movie here]!” But he knows and I know that this is just a rouse. So, will there be a line drawn somewhere so people won’t assume you’re a loosey Lucy? What about those of us who aren’t looking for one night stands?
Next, I’m not entirely sure I would want to meet someone based on my taste of movies/TV history. Let’s be honest, sometimes you want to go home and watch ‘Finding Nemo’ without judgey wudgies all over the world condemning you to hell. Sometimes I watch shit reality TV because I like when I don’t have to think or analyse a scene to try and figure out where the movie is going. And let’s not forget those good old foreign movies. As much as I loved ( LOVED!!) ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ I had to read the whole thing. Blah! It took a lot of brain power to read that fast. Those sexy Spaniards speak at super sonic speeds you know! Sometimes my choices don’t really reflect me as a person. It reflects a tired human being who wants to be brain dead for the next 3 hours. I don’t know about you, but I’m kinda apprehensive for people to know what I watch. It’s like my own little world where I escape to.
Okay, moving on. How will this app pair you off with your potential couch partner? I know it says it will do it through similar viewing history but I mean which movies/TV shows will it pair you with? For example, I like watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians (yes, I admit it) but I’m not so sure I want my potential mate watching it too. And once you’re partnered, will it show which shows you’ve got in common. Because if it’s Disney’s Beauty and The Beast then I don’t think I will stick around. I can just see it now. “Hey come over so we can sing ‘Beeee ouuurrrr guest, be our guest. Put our service to the test…’ together!” The funny thing is I know all the words. Major palm to face moment right here, right now.
Which brings me to the most important question of them all. Who in their right mind pays attention to a movie when you have a stranger over at your house? I definitely don’t pay attention even after I’ve went on a couple of dates with a person and I’ve started to feel comfortable with them. I mean isn’t watching a movie at home like the next step in a relationship? It’s where you snuggle up close to one another, eyes glazed over while your brain can only think about the close proximity situation that you’ve gotten yourself in. Then you snap out of it as you hear them laughing and realise you lost 10 minutes to a black out. No doubt envisioning his penis and praying he doesn’t have hairy balls like a monkey. Therefore I must say, being someone’s couch potato is NO joke. It’s a serious business. And I really want to know if this app can deliver what it says on the tin.
Either way, I truly am curious. And to be honest, I wouldn’t mind trying it out to see how it goes. If anything I am liking the fact that this app is not going down the superficial route of trying to hook you up with a suitor. I do like the fact that it’s movies because, well, I love movies! I used to work as a script supervisor on Indie films so trust me when I say, I love everything there is to love about the production world. But, unlike movies, I highly doubt this app will be able to deliver a teary-eyed gush fest of happily ever after perfection. Who knows, I have been wrong before. Therefore I will leave you with a little quote from the app’s marketing campaign…
If I only knew this 16 years ago. It would have saved me a whole lot of time and energy. To think, I could have just sat there like a bump on a log. Now, I can sit like one with a complete stranger. Things are totally looking up!
Oh I got too many jokes. Netfling, if you ever read this (which I highly doubt, but if you do…) I truly am just joshing around. Let me be one of your first beta testers! Seriously! I want to try something different because what’s out there now gives me no hope and a whole lot of the heebie jeebies. I commend you for doing something that’s against the grain. You go Netfling! Go on wit yo bad self!
Peace, Love and Netfling