A Girl’s Guide: To Surviving Sex For The First Time With Someone New

bunny sex relationships

Oh boy… This one’s a doozy isn’t it? It’s quite possibly one of the most awkward, fumbling, tumbling yet exhilarating experiences one will every go through. And unfortunately, it will probably happen each and every time you have sex with someone new. Unless however, you’re uber confident in your skills and your naked body. I however feel pity to those that befall my nakedness because it’s something that their tiny eyeballs can’t unsee.

I’m sure you’ve already guessed I am not one of those confident ladies. Therefore I need to try and make myself the most confident I can be, before I do the deed. Of course, if the gentleman in question, is singing his praises about you, then you are halfway there. You always get a wonderful boost of confidence when a man (or whatever sex) you’re canoodling with thinks you are beautiful. It’s really a nice feeling to be wanted.

So on to our guide, shall we?

Getting Prepped Like You’re Going To War

Dita Von Tease

If you are anything like me, then you will be a wreck with knowing that this is going to be the first time he’s seen you naked. I literally freak the F-out. But I obviously don’t let him see that on the night. Oh no no no no! But the days leading up to it? Jesus, I literally almost have a panic attack. After all, it feels like you’re prepping for battle. A show down. You want to conquer the foreign land. So make sure you do all the things that make you feel like a millions bucks. If nails, hair and makeup does the trick for you, then do it. If it’s a sexy pair of shoes, then wear them. Whatever it is that makes you feel like a hot lady, go for it.

Picking Your Outfit and Lingerie Carefully

Let me tell you right now that an outfit can make or break your evening. If you pick something too tight, like jeans for example, it might cause a complete delay in your passionate throw down. I once had jeans that were so tight around my calves that it took five F*%$ing minutes for them to be pulled off. I was literally laying there like a big old potato while my man was trying desperately to rip them off. It was a complete fail. So really think about what you are going to wear for the first time. After all the point is for it to go as smoothly as possible. If something happens on another occasion then you are covered because your man will remember that sex with you is great. And please for the love of god, wear matching lingerie.

 Have a Contingency Plan if You Go Back To His Place Instead of Yours 

I myself, just invite them outright to “watch a movie” or “have dinner” at my place. That way I am in the comfort of my own home should any mishaps happen. But if you are going back to his, then make sure you have things on you to help you out. Carry a bigger bag so you can shove your shit in there. Don’t say, “uggghhhh… oh my god it’s just not cute at allllll.” Just trust me ok! Put some makeup, a tooth brush, eye drops, tissues and clean undies. Oh and if you can fit some flats in there you will be golden! You do not want to look like you are doing the walk of shame the next morning while everyone is on their way to work. Oh crap, and if it’s a work night then you will need a bigger bag! Maybe just stick to weekends for now.

 Make Sure The Setting is On Point

This is my area of expertise by the way. Simply because if I could, I would want all the lights out, plus blind folding him just so he didn’t have to see my fat. But since I can’t do that, I opt for candles. Men don’t really care if there were florescent lights on that were the equivalent to the power of the sun. They see a naked woman with no flaws. This one is more for your own sanity. Ah… candles make everything look better.

Do Not Try To Be A Porn Star

Everyone and their mom has seen porn. But I think we should leave it to the professionals, don’t you think? Don’t try and imitate something that you saw some porn lady do once. You will not look like that. There is a reason why they are getting paid to do what they do. Further more,  they also have directors in their arsenal who can achieve magic. Have you ever tried re-enacting a porn with your man? It’s not pretty. This is your first time with this person. You don’t want to break his penis off and you certainly don’t want to break a hip. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

Just remember that you may think you’re looking like this…

pole dancing gif

But in reality, you’re probably looking like this…

failing at pole dancing

If You’re Hearing Crickets Then Do Something About It

Dear everything that is ice cream, if it is not a throw down, make it one. I know the first time with someone can be awkward. You guys aren’t really in tune to how the other operates. But that doesn’t mean for you to lie there and him to be looking like he’s poking a dead person. Get into it. Be in the moment. Put some music on. Try a different position. Listen to your breaths and fast heartbeats. Touch and get in there! Your mind can be an awful bastard. So try and turn it off. I don’t know why us, as women, are so unfocused at a time like this. Sometimes our brains go all over the place. What helps is concentrating on the movement or the feel of something.

Don’t Give All Your Tricks up On the First Night

Firstly you are here to do one thing and that is to rip each others clothes off and have a good time. Don’t be licking on no toes, balls or any other foolishness. Always keep them wanting more.

BE CONFIDENT

beyonce gif

I know, I know. How can I preach about being confident. But trust me, with enough alcohol in my system I think I’m like Megan Fox or Halle Berry. God, alcohol is amazing. Okay, okay, on a more serious note, you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful. He (or she) picked YOU didn’t they? They wanted to get to know you by going on dates didn’t they? So they already find you super attractive. Always think of that before you are about to pick at all your flaws! No one wants to console someone while they are naked and banging. So muster up your inner diva and you will see that it will be a great night.

 

And always remember to bring condoms! You never know at the end of the day. SO SAFETY IS KEY!!!!!!!!

Peace, Love and Get Some Sex

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