Men still, to this day, perplex me. It’s a subject that I probably won’t be able to master in my lifetime. Sure, I might get close but in the end they (men) will inevitably do something to throw me for a loop. And oh, how it frustrates me so.
I was going to say recently, but now that my brain has started working, I realise that it’s been a while since I’ve seen a penis. So let’s just say this little story will be about the last man that has befriended my va-jay-jay.
I met a man through a dating app. He was cute, loved sci-fi, was somewhat funny, yet reserved and knew how to dress. After a couple of weeks of talking I invited him to a club where my friends and I were going to go. We met, he wasn’t a crazy and from there we proceeded to have various meet-ups of sexually inclined trysts for the six months that were to follow.
It’s funny really when I look back on it because I was questioning then. I was always wondering if this guy liked me. But for those months I never met a single one of his friends, we rarely met up to actually go anywhere and the most ridiculous part, was that he never called me. We always used to communicate by text. I mean who does that? I don’t even care that that’s what people do nowadays. I want someone to call me and pursue me. But for six months I really didn’t have any clue whether I was coming or going. I did confront him around the 4 month mark and asked if he wanted it to stay casual and he replied by saying that “I don’t do casual.” So I thought ok, maybe he does like me. But as the days turned into months, nothing had changed. Until one day I was about to pull my hair out. The thing is, my pandas I am not a needy type of gal. I won’t cling, I won’t call all the time, I won’t even bother you with loads of text messages. However, the one thing I cannot stand is not knowing where I stand with someone.
I think nowadays women are too easy. We go by what the men say. It’s almost like we get excited that someone ‘might’ be into us that we forget our self worth. And I was a stupid lady this time round. Like I am every time I’m with a man. I forget what I want and who I am. I genuinely want to slap myself sometimes. On a side note, I think that’s why I’ve stayed single for so long (this time round).
Anyway, after 6 months of the same roundabout ways I confronted him yet again. And do you know what this idiot said to me through a text message? “I’m just not feeling it.” Excuse me? You’re not feeling it? So I called him and he finally picked up the phone, which was probably the second time in six months. I repeated his own words to me. Almost like a final confirmation. And just like that we ended something that never really had a chance to begin with.
Who text messages someone after six month of having sex with them and say that they weren’t feeling it. Because as far as I was concerned his dick was sure “feeling” it. If you are any sane human being you will know after a few dates. If anything you will probably have sex, just to see how it goes and if nothing, you move on. You don’t swing your dick around for six months and as soon as I ask a serious question of “Where is this going?” do you cower in a corner somewhere and eventually run for the hills. Anyway, that’s when I realised that I was face to face with yet another man that had a problem with getting to know someone on a deeper level. I wasn’t even asking for a commitment. A relationship, if you will. I was simply asking to connect with someone. That they at least tried a little. It was that simple.
It’s funny because after we ended it, he finally added me on Facebook, and on Instagram. And then after a few month, he started getting in contact again and proceeded with all the sexual innuendos. I’m not going to lie. We did have sex again. Oh what?! I’m only human at the end of the day. But it was clear I was simply there to put out every once in a while. I eventually told him that I had enough. Actually it was a really long text message whereupon his response was… “woah, fair enough.” And I never heard from him again. I mean it’s laughable.
I don’t know if you guys ever experienced the feeling of rejection even though you did nothing wrong, mixed with not being good enough. Well that’s what I felt like. How dare someone make me feel like that, again. Who did this guy think he was? It’s not my fault that he had problems with commitment. That he didn’t know how to communicate and delve deeper, down to someone’s soul. No, that’s all on him. And I’m okay with that. I tried, I know I did. Even if trepidation set in. I still tried.
So if a man is telling you that he’s not feeling it, simply smile, wave good bye and move on. You are all worth so much more than that. And I sure as hell need a man to be a man at the end of the day. I need him to listen, share, communicate, laugh and delve deep into my soul. If he can’t even pick up the phone to call me and be honest then he can fuck right off.
Peace, Love and Know your worth!