It’s a Very Sad Day For Bubble Wrap….Prepare to Shed Some Tears

Bubble Wrap is not going to pop anymore

Pandas!! I just can’t! I have some horrible news. The bubble wrap that you have grown to love for all these years is about to get a makeover. Maybe some of you are thinking that I’ve lost it over bubble wrap. Quite possibly. Or you might be asking, why in the hell is she getting so bent up out of shape over this news?! WELL, this “new” bubble wrap (soon to be labelled iBubble) will cease to pop. That’s right! No more popping of the bubbles pandas. Oh the lunacy. I can’t bear the thought! A life without the sound of popping.

Before all of you judgy wudgies out there tear me a new one, I’ll have you know that bubble wrap is therapeutic. It’s amazing actually and it’s where I’ve spent many an hour popping away to a heart that was truly content. With every pop it somehow symbolised each problem that I had in life. I know a whole lot of problems! But it helped me get rid of some pent up anger. And with every pop the problems slowly disintegrated right before my very ears. It’s  damn near cathartic! And I don’t understand why Sealed Air Corp (the company that started our popping dreams in the 50’s) has the right to take away the simplest of pleasures in life. It’s like they are taking away my childhood past-time! Come on! What in the hell are we going to do now?

There will be no wrapping up your dogs…

bubble wrap
there will be no wrapping up of human beings…

bubble wrap man

You won’t be able to amuse children for hours.

bubble wrap for kids

How many of you had your parents throw you some bubble wrap and you went to town popping those bad boys. I mean the concentration that kids have while popping every single last one is insane! Parents, I plead to you all, you will be losing a very valuable aid.

I mean Christ, you won’t even be able to bubble wrap your horse if you wanted to…

bubble-wrap

And most importantly we won’t be able to wrap up Shaq any more… booo! 😦

shaq

And can I just say… what kind of name is iBubble anyway?! Is it the iPhone of bubble wraps? I mean does it come with its own GPS tracking system? Does it self-inflate? Does it have apps? I mean give me a break with all this “i” crap. Enough already!

This whole non-popping existence has thrown me for a loop. I’m officially pooh-poohing the no popping. And I certainly will not support this dull drabby diabolical demise of a pop-less world. I won’t even entertain the idea! How dare they. How bloody dare they ( said in a super slow swanky British accent)!

Okay rant over….

bubble

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