Hang on to your hoo-ha’s ladies. Today we’re going to talk about va-jay-jay steaming. Yup, the steaming up of your actual lady bits. I’m pretty sure I’m super late to this party, but in all honesty I needed to get all the facts before signing up to get my vag steam cleaned. It felt all so car wash-like if you ask me. And quite frankly I wasn’t too keen on burning off my bits without knowing everything there was to know about it.
Gwyneth Paltrow first announced that she did this V-Steaming cleanse a while ago and since then everyone and their mom’s have hopped on the bandwagon. Articles have sprung up left right and centre, either re-yapping about what Gwyneth has already stated or giving a review after having just completed a treatment. Since the mass hysteria over this new treatment craze, articles have sprung up that are urging women not to use these steaming sessions. So who should we believe? Women seem to not be listening to the warnings from the Doctors. In fact there’s a pretty substantial following. Either way, there seems to be a push and pull about the subject.
Here’s the thing. There are women that are swearing by this treatment. They are shouting from the rooftops about their super clean vageen (see what I did there). And I say, to each their own. If the ladies of the world want to have steam, dried mugwort, wormwood and some infra-red lights paving the way like an air-traffic controller to old faithful, then let them at it.
Me on the other hand…well…I’m still up in the air about the whole thing. I have yet to make a definitive stance on the matter. Give me snail slime cream and I would probably say yes. Well, I have said yes since I bought a mask of the stuff. But paying a spa my hard earned money to blow steam up my fanny is hardly worth the time or effort in my eyes. I’d like to quote Laura Hooper Beck, from her super funny article for FastCompany.com when she actually went through with the whole process.
“It’s hard to say whether my V-steam was worth $50. If you’re Gwyneth Paltrow and $50 is what you use to wipe your butt (true story?), then yes. If you’re a human being who lives on this Earth, probably not. You can take a hot bath, sit in a sauna, or microwave a glass of lemon water and just squat over it for 10 minutes for very similar results.”
Maybe I might try the DIY version first. I can totally steam my own monster muncher (too far? Ah, party poopers to the lot of ya). There’s even YouTube videos on it. And… you can buy the dried herbs off Amazon. So there you have it. Your very own cheap vaginal spa experience in the comfort of your own home. Oh and if you were nervous about hovering over a cup of water, never fear, the internet suggests boiling water and putting it in a big enough pot and placing that in your toilet. And voilà… your very own steam hole.
To be quite frank, I think we’re all going a bit overboard with all this stuff. I understand that it’s an ancient remedy from Korea. I understand that some swear by it. But it’s becoming more and more apparent that we are turning into a society of ‘Death Becomes Her’, in search for eternal life and beauty. And furthermore, killing ourselves over it.