It’s time for Part two of the weirdest search terms that people use to find my blog. You can see Part One here.
Like I’ve stated previously, people are odd and what they search for on the internet is even odder. With the other post I tried to interpret what people were trying to search for since it had Panda in it and then I would give those searches my sound, funny advice. Okay, my sarcastic advice. For this one I am just going to list them and give my sarcastic advice straight out the gate. Reason being, the search terms relate to sex, cheating and love. So, here it goes.
- Do girls take selfies with penises – Ummm…. yeah girls do take photos with penises. I think it’s also called giving a blow job. All I can say is, if you are going to take a photo that could potentially embarrass you if it ever got out then you should be the one who holds on to it. I have done silly things like that before. But one thing that my momma told me is to never have a hard copy anywhere out there that you would be embarrassed or ashamed of if others were to see it. She was of course talking about her finding a mean note that I wrote when I was younger. She most definitely wouldn’t condone sexcapade photos. In fact she would probably have a heart attack.
- Goldilocks penis/Goldilocks length penis – These two searches made me laugh. I wrote a post on Beinging like Goldilocks, Finding a Penis that’s ‘Just Right’ . I never thought that people would put the word Goldilocks and Penis in the same search engine, but voilà, they did. Who knew! Firstly Goldilocks was a little girl so she does not have a penis. Secondly why would you be searching for the length of Goldilocks’ penis? Odd I tell you, just plain odd.
- Which tree drug go straight to penis – Right, I really don’t know what to say about this one! Seek help with a doctor. Marijuana can do many things, helping your penis…. no.
- Wallpaper of sexy voluptuous witches – Listen, if your fetish is witches then go forth and get your sexy witch freak on. Just bear in mind that others might not understand you.
- Women spit & curse out a man sex video- Boy. This can either be one of two things. One, it’s a man who wants to be dominated by women. Or two, it’s a woman who has some issues with men. I don’t have much else to say on this one. I guess I don’t condone being spit on.
- Jeremy Meeks dick picture – I wrote a blog on the sensationalism that surrounded the convict Jeremy Meeks (here). He was attractive yes. And there were a lot of women out there wanting to have his baby. But jesus women, now your going out there and searching for penis shots. Find something else more productive to do. And we all know that penis shots are ugly anyway.
- Time Magazine eat butter bullshit – Now this is a person that I can get on board with. I too thought it was a pile of bullshit too.
- “What a penis can do” – Oh lord. Well, if you need to search for it then you are too young to know about it. Me thinks this was searched for by a girl. But I could be wrong. If it was a man, then this is troubling.
- Cramps in my legs while watching porn – Oh the chuckles I had with this one. What in gods name are you doing while watching porn for you to get a cramp in your legs? Are you hanging upside down? Are you standing on one leg for the entire duration of the film? What? What the hell are you doing? Most people pick a comfy couch to sit on. Why don’t you try that for next time.
- Does a cheating married man ever feel bad about dumping the mistress – Listen up cheater. You are either the married man trying to find solace over the internet for your bullshit or you are the mistress. In which case, for you to voluntarily call yourself the mistress is a bad sign. And to question whether or not the married man feels bad means you are a touch out of reality. 9 times out of 10 the married man will not give a shit. He just wanted some excitement from his every day boring life. Stop going out with married men.
- Why isn’t the notebook reality – I ask myself this question on most days.
- You deserve a love like the notebook – We all do. But I hate to be the one to tell you this. You are going to have to come back down to reality. Sorry…
- You failed as parents – Oh dear, there is a disgruntled teenager out there.
- Guy cussing while jerking off – I mean if you are that angry while jerking off, aren’t you afraid of damaging your penis? All the cursing at it and tugging won’t be too healthy. But if that’s what you are looking for then I guess, curse and tug away.
There is more… but I will save it for another time. And besides, these were the most funniest out of the bunch!