I thought I should start doing some blog posts to give you a better insight into my weirdness. And what better way to start getting to know me than by things that get me into trouble.
- Swearing – Here’s the thing. I swear like a Navy Seal drill Sargent. It most definitely has deterred me from becoming a refined lady. I spew them out like skittles. I fear people see me as this chunky old butch sailor. Even if the topic of conversation were about high tea etiquette, I will be swearing. It most definitely gets me into trouble.
- Food – People, let’s all take a moment to pray for my pants. Because they have been holding on for dear life for quite a while now. I have yet to find the motivation to change my lifestyle when it comes to food. And it has gotten me into trouble with my clothes. I fear that they are planning an escape real soon. My buttons have already jumped ship. So it’s only a matter of time. When I reach for something in my coat (it’s a snug fit now) I hear tiny cries of rips escaping, gasping for more room.
- My OCD tendencies – They are getting worse with age. I can’t leave the house without checking that my keys are in my bag 5 times. It has gotten me into trouble with taking a long ass time to ever do anything.
- Men – Now, this subject should be a book in itself. But I don’t think I would have the energy to waste 10 years trying to wade through all that shit. I am currently on hiatus from men. Sure, it’s lonely. But I would rather live a drama free life at the moment and concentrate only on things that will better me. Jeeezz, that was to the point. Me thinks I got a few more issues to deal with in this department. So…to be continued at a later date.
- Alcohol – I saved this one for last because it is the one that gets me into the most trouble. I do not have an alcohol problem. Let me be perfectly clear on that. It’s just when I do have a glass of magical potion, it ends up being like a 15 glasses later type of an evening. And if I’m somewhere that’s serving up free open bar… oh shit. That’s when people have to start worrying. I drink it like it’s a cure to my fattness. Like the universe will open up and tell me the meaning of life. Or like I am saving someone’s life.
There you have it. Five things you didn’t know about me.