Black and White…


I thought long and hard on what my first post should be. And to be honest as I’m writing this I still don’t have a clue. So I suppose the best place to start would be the name that I chose, The Lone Panda. Which I feel best represents me, or at least, close to it; a big ball of fluffiness that blobs along to her own tune. Well, I guess I could have just called this the big fluffy renegade but it definitely doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. Either way, I wanted a place to express the gripes, frustrations, agony, anguish, nerdy, awkward, humorous, and even more laughable moments that encompass what an average looking single woman has to deal with in the 21st century. And of course the love-hate relationship I have with social media. More like obsessed-detest.

It has become apparent that the older I get, accompanied by the increasing months of singledome, the more I realise things are not so black and white any more. Things are riddled with layers of obscurity that you have to peel back, like a never ending maze or even more to the point, an unsolvable game. God, I can’t stand games to save the life of me. But as I see it, we are a far cry from how we used to be as children. By this I mean, we were no holds barred when it came to telling the truth. We said it like it was. ‘You stink, why is that girl growing lumps out of her chest, I can stick my pee pee in that keyhole, I like the colour of your scab’. Simple eh? We told the truth, with no white lies in between and we certainly did not understand the concept of it’s better to tell a white lie so as not to hurt one’s feelings. I suppose as the years went on we realised we could get things with little white lies. We even found out that we could create a white lie for appearances, therefore being able to alter the perception of one’s view of you. But I have found that the majority of little baby lies start when you first meet someone. Oh the crafty and cunning ways people spin, turn, twist and omit something that they just aren’t ready to share with you; most probably in the fear of being rejected. Now these tiny lies that are flirtatiously placed in between sentences, gasps and breathe, may seem harmless. But in reality they are setting the wheels in motion for your future cover-up. As in covering your ass so you don’t reveal your ridiculous web of shit that you’ve spewed throughout the months. This is men and women equally. I may detest a few things that men do more so than women, but I do know that women could be even more sneakier and vicious than their male counterparts. So I say this to both sexes, why can’t we all be upfront and honest right from the beginning. Men, if you don’t want to answer a loaded question by a lady, simply tell her. Grow some balls. Don’t beat around the bush and keep her hanging there. Always be forthcoming! And for gods sake, don’t wait three days to get in touch with her after your first date only to string her along some more just because you aren’t sure but you also want to have ladies around for options. And ladies, we know it takes roughly 30 minutes ( probably less than that ) on whether or not we are going to play the cat and mouse game any further. Don’t leave the man hanging. Yes, he may have showered you in compliments which you may not have been used to. But don’t hang on to him if he’s not the right fit. In all honesty let’s face the facts, men are not out in their droves any more; playing the puma chasing a wild and untamed gazel. No, he is sitting by his computer, in the comfort of his own home and come to think of it, probably naked, flicking through a trove of female photos online. Yes you know what I’m talking about, dating websites. They are popping up in the thousands. You name a prerequisite that your potential suitor has to have and they got a specified dating site for it. Christian, orthodox, Jewish, atheist, no problem. You love fatties, you got it. Want a uniformed partner in crime, well never fear. They even have an adulterers wet dream. Yes there is even a cheating website where you can cheat on your partner of 10-20 years without getting reprimanded! Where it’s the norm. Yes, I know what you are going to say, the times are a changing and blah blah blah. I’m sorry but the times are ah getting ahh lazy! All intimate socialising seems to be in front of a brightly lit coloured screen. I miss meeting someone in person without having been set up prior by “mutual friends”. Because let’s face it that’s the only way you are getting dates nowadays either that or the aforementioned dating sites. For example, I was meeting up with one of my friends that I haven’t seen in a while. She suggested to get one of her guy friends to come and join us because he was in the area. The guy comes, I of course was trying to be my witty, extremely humorous self, when he asked me out of the blue ‘are you seeing anyone?’ For a split second I thought, oh my humour has paid off (he was cute) but alas, he wanted to set me up with his friend. Such as the story goes, in regards to me. Apparently he thought I would really hit it off with his buddy. So I agreed. What did I have to lose, right? Well, in theory nothing. So I went. I don’t know what’s worse, to think they thought I had something in common with a dry, boring plain toast asshole or that they in fact saw me like that and that’s why they figured we would get along. Man, I tell you, I started questioning my bubbly character after that date. I kept asking myself in the mirror, ‘are you a boring plain toast asshole too?’

Anyway, I digress as usual. The point is things are harder nowadays. People are hidden safely behind their phones and computers and have forgotten how to engage with others. Either that or when they are out, it’s mostly with a group of friends, so good luck trying to get them to venture out of their cocoon of knowing. They are secure and quite content in their own bubble.

So you see everything is not so black and white. It’s all grey; try sifting through grey. In fact try finding a grey pearl in an ocean that is coloured in the same grey colour. That is life for you. I am now starting to realise that you spend your whole life sifting through that grey ocean in the hopes of finding that grey pearl. At 30 I sifted through the water equivalent of my bath tub. So I guess I have a long way to go.

Well, enough blabbing. This was more of a general post. But I look forward to cover all areas of whatever, in depth and always looking at it through a humours side. I might get serious every now and then so be prepared for that as well!


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