Does anyone else feel like things are moving too fast nowadays when it comes to dating, love and relationships in general? Or am I the only one woman island in the middle of nowhere? As I look at my parents and grandparents’ relationships I have come to the conclusion that things have become a little warped. It definitely doesn’t seem so rosy anymore and somewhere along the way there seems to have been more rules put in place to make things even more difficult.
Since when was there a playbook developed of do’s and don’ts in contacting the opposite sexes? We seem to all be floating around not really certain of where we stand anymore. Do we text them or not? Do we make the first move? Should we be swiping 100 times to the right just to make our quota for the day? Because more is obviously better, or so I’ve been told. Where has the commitment gone? Where has the adventure of getting to know someone gone? Are the only two things I have to look forward to in life is superficial dating apps and TV shows where you get naked to see if you’re attracted to them? I mean call me old fashioned but what penis is attractive? And fanny holes? Jeeeeessssuuus help me.
I’m not joking about that TV show by the way. It’s actually called ‘Naked Attraction’. Apparently in the first episode there’s a line of men put in front of a woman and they drop their pants to show off their saggy junk. You don’t see their upper body. Have we become so desensitised as a people that we don’t care anymore.
I look at my parents and think how have they stuck it out. Of course they get into fights. My mom is crazy and my dad is stubborn. But every day when my dad leaves the house he gives my mom a kiss. And then my momma gives him one back. They smile and go about their day. They talk, albeit a lot. But that’s communication. They seem committed to one another; through thick and thin. When times were rough they banded together. They worked at it. They laughed. And according to my mom they still have sex. (I just threw up). They’re in their 70’s and to be honest good for them. I just don’t think my ears have to hear things like that.
My grandparents (maternal side) were together for like 70 years until my grandpa sadly passed away. Those two used to yell at each other so much that I thought they were going to kill one another. I remember being 6 years old in New York when my grandparents came over from Greece to live with us. My grandpa (who I called Dedo) would call my Baba (grandma) stupid (the most mild of them all) and she in turn would insult him right back. However, they loved each other. They stuck it out. Baba was there through Dedo’s battle with Cancer. They kissed, (granted on very rare occasions because they were old fashioned like that) they hugged and they even cooked together. I remember them making kielbasa (type of spicy sausage) in the kitchen while singing old Macedonian songs in their house in Northern Greece. As I remember these things, trying to figure out where we all went wrong, I realised that they did not grow up with the same amount of choice that we have now. Their world was a lot smaller. They met people in person; when neighbours still talked to one another. My grandparents went to the same elementary school and got married in their teens. My parents met at a Greek church while they both happened to be studying at Ohio Wesleyan University and literally after 9-10 months my dad asked for her hand in marriage. They tied the knot in December 1968. You do the math.
Love did seem simpler then. Less choice and no internet I imagine. Previous generations didn’t have unlimited access to porn. They didn’t have the option to look at pictures online and jerk-off. Or swipe quickly through hundreds of photos in the hopes that they bettered their odds in the return. There was no Facebook, or Instagram or match.com. There was nothing. So they were able to walk up to a person and start a decent and genuine conversation. They were able to smile longingly at one another and were able to really get to know each other. And finally, they actually wanted to get married. I know right, what a weird concept. By the way I’m not saying that everyone should be married. In fact I do think it’s just a piece of paper at the end of the day. What’s important and what I’m implying is the commitment part. The working together part. The being together through happy and sad times part.
I’m tired of today’s society when it comes to love. I’m tired that men and women take things like relationships for granted. That they never fully commit because they always think something better will come along. Why? Because there’s just too much choice. People date, start relationships and still flick through Tinder, Badoo and whatever else in the hopes of finding someone better. Someone that will love them the way that they want to be loved without any compromise. Someone that will do everything. Well here’s a thought. What about communicating? Meeting in the middle? Working at something with every fibre of your being? How about, stop taking the easy road. Stop quitting. Just a thought.
I look at both the previous generations and I see an era of fighters. As I look at mine, I see shrugged shoulders and whatever faces. I see women, my friends, yearning for love and always being let down. I see men who don’t know whether they’re coming or going. In general I see a bunch of confused souls happy to live the fast paced life of just judging someone by a photo on their screen. I see a generation that’s decensitised to everything.
What will the future hold for a hopeful old school romantic such as myself? Not much I would suspect. Because I can’t bring myself to go on dating apps. Believe me, I’ve tried. But I just can’t do it. I do better with talking to people in person. You know why? Because that’s the real me. When I’m texting, trying to get to know someone, I over think my answers. I type and delete, delete and type, 300 times before I send something out. I wait in replying because one can’t seem too eager, and then have to wait ages for the other person to respond because we’ve both listened to some invisible handbook of ‘How to court someone in the 21st Century’. However, in person, you’re the real you. You also get to see the other person’s body language. Their tells. You learn a lot about a person with watching them answer questions or how they react to something you’ve said.
Maybe I’m too much of a hopeless romantic with an over zealous streak of cynicism. Maybe I’ve been hurt on one too many occasions. Maybe I’m not willing to conform to modern day society. Maybe I’ve over romanticised the past. Or maybe I haven’t.
Maybe, maybe maybe…
Anyway, I don’t know guys, maybe I will end up being a spinster for the rest of my life and that’s that. But I do know that I’m not so sure I will get to have what my grandparents had or furthermore what my parents have…
But here’s to hoping that not all is lost.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to succumb to Naked Attraction and watch penises for the next hour. Because that’s what these modern folks are doing nowadays right? Eeehhhh…. right. Off I go.