Weekend Photo Journal: Hooray For Houndstooth


Okay Pandas, this week I have been lusting over Houndstooth. There’s just something about the pattern, not to mention the cosy thickness of it. It’s so chic for winter that I want to shout it from the rooftops. Now I know over-using this pattern can scream houndstooth road kill. But splashes of it here and there, will always be a YES moment.




{Here’s my pinterest board with all the images}

Weekend Photo Journal: Envious of Ms. Emerald Green

Emerald Envy


In this weekend’s photo journal I have decided to stick to another royal, rich, decadent colour of deliciousness. And that my panda buddies, is the beautiful Emerald Green. Isn’t it just a divine, sumptuous, opulent,  and exquisite colour? It should have been the colour of the Gods. If Zeus was still around I’m pretty sure he would have draped all of mount Olympus and the Parthenon with trinkets, trimmings and adornments of this sexy commanding colour.

Okay, okay… in reality it’s the colour of Ireland, the beautiful city in the Wizard of Oz which was aptly named ‘Emerald’, and the colour of luscious foliage from our earth. Why wouldn’t I feature it this weekend! It’s also a fantastic colour combo to last weekend’s photo journal. Granted if you wear both in excess you will be seen as an over zealous Christmas lover but who cares! Right? They are just too scrumptious not to smother all over your naked selves. Oh dear, I’m getting sexual again.

Anyway, without further ado…


PS- All photos have been taken from Pinterest. Here’s my board for Emerald Green.

The Beautiful Chaos of A Panic Attack, Your Brain and Eventual Insanity

panic attack brain mental health

This might be a downer of a post today so I can only apologise for it coinciding with Friday celebrations. But unfortunately sometimes these things can’t be helped, however, it still needs to be told.

Yesterday I experienced what one would call a panic attack that was probably mixed with a breakdown of my mind, body and soul. If I were to try and explain what this would feel like, I think I would do a pretty terrible job. But I will try anyway. You see the beauty of one is that it might slightly alter every time. So your mind will convince you that you are having a heart attack, some rare disease and/or dying because you haven’t experienced these feelings before. You are a prisoner to your mind and if it says that you are dying, well then, you are dying. You will convince yourself that only rare un-treatable ailments are afflicting you. And because of your beautiful mind, it shall cause a stormy chaos that is so uncontrollable, you fear that this is the end of the line. Eventually your biggest fear will rear its ugly head… that you are finally going insane.

panic attack feeling

I felt faint at work and asked to leave early. I thought I was coming down with something normal, like a cold. But as I kept thinking about it, I couldn’t shake it. It’s flight or fight at its very core. All your senses are telling you that you must leave, run, fly, drive, whatever, just so you can escape. I called an uber because the thought of going underground felt like I would be depleting any energy that I had left to survive. So I stayed on the surface of the earth thinking that the open window and the breathing of semi-fresh city air as we whizzed along would soothe me. But instead, I focused on the way the driver was stopping and starting the car. It was a jerky ride to say the least and thus, the sudden urge of sickness was bubbling up inside of me. I was not only ready to kill this taxi man but also succumb to my own perilous death by jumping out of the vehicle and praying wholeheartedly that I would get hit by a bus. A bit dramatic isn’t it? Well that’s how your mind fucks with you. You are present in that moment, feeling everything, all senses heightened to infinity.


But of course these feelings did not go away. I managed to get home, take a shower and jump into bed. It was about 3:30pm and I was determined to fall asleep. But did my brain let me? No, no it did not.

Panic attacks

Now this is where things get completely out of control. As I lay there I got a sense of anxiety, like something was coming but I didn’t know what. My limbs felt heavy. It swayed from being numb to pins and needles, to finally me feeling like my whole body was going into paralysis. I felt like I was sucked under a mound of cement trying to fight my way out. Lethargy was in abundance, confusion soon followed and that’s when I was at the point of no return. I called the NHS (which is a free GP service here in the UK) and I begged them to see a Doctor. But all she (the receptionist) could offer was having the doctor call me for a phone consultation. I was in despair so I grab it with open arms. I then called my mom, who did not help my situation whatsoever. In fact, she made it worse. But finally the doctor called and that’s when I broke down. It’s like my mouth was clamped, jaw tightening commenced so much so that I thought I was going to break my back wisdom teeth. Breathing at this point, was none existent. All I kept saying, like a broken record, is that “I am freaking out!” So she asked me to come in.

With all my might I fought to get dressed. The yearning to see the Doctor outweighed the pain I was going through. I was like an amputated soldier still crawling around in the battlefield. And yet, somehow I managed to keep moving.

As I walked, alone, to what felt like a death sentence, I cried. The crying was never-ending. Tears were pouring out of me. They were making tracks on my face. I now know what Smokey Robinson meant by the way. No matter what I did, my eyes were a broken faucet that could not be fixed. The streets were filled with people and I did not care. They stared at me, a dishevelled resemblance of a human being, and yet I still did not care. My main goal was to get to the doctors office.

Finally I had arrived. As I waited, I continued to cry. There was a woman opposite me, looking as I cracked out a hundred tissues. If it were me, I don’t know what I would have thought if I saw someone acting like I did at the time. The doctor came down to get me and by the time we went to her room, having sat down in her chair for no more than a second, I sobbed even more violently than ever before. Breathing ceased to exist and my brain felt like it was about to explode. Talking was not even a remote option. There I was, unkempt, fucked up un-penciled eyebrows, pale makeup-less face, clothes that did not match, crying in front of a complete stranger. Bless her for being so calm in such a situation. She managed to check me out, reassuring me in the process, that nothing seemed out of the ordinary. You would think I would have been relieved. But I wasn’t. Because this meant that my brain had concocted all these symptoms all on its very own.

Just so you know. I have never been a person to cry in front of others. I have always opted not showing signs of weakness in public. In fact, I had always prided myself in being one tough cookie. Yet something in my brain had said enough is enough. Something snapped and malfunctioned. And now I have the fear that one day, my brain may go to the extreme of the anxiety spectrum. Thus resulting in a nice cosy cell with  four padded walls.

I don’t know why this happened. However, I do remember the first severe time it ever occurred. I was in Greece, miserable with my life, hating my very existence. I had experienced a prolonged version for three months. Yes, three months! I thought I was dying. I convinced myself I had cancer because I couldn’t see properly. Light affected me. I was experiencing a form of vertigo. The list was a very long, extensive one. All the specialists that I went to said that everything was fine. And all, had said it was stress related. I scoffed at this idea. Stress? Bullshit! But one day I decided to pack my bags and fly to Cyprus. That trip alone, was the most excruciating experience of my life. Yet I pushed through it. And do you know what happened forty-five minutes after landing? All my symptoms had vanished, without a trace. And just then, did I acknowledge that it was brought on by stress. I know why I went into a mental breakdown that time. But this time? Everything seemed fine. I’m in London. Working, paying all my bills. Seeing friends from time to time. What could I possible be so anxious about for me to have an attack? What is wrong about my life? It’s an okay life. People have it far, far, far worse and I remind myself of that every day. Yet here I was, thinking the world was sitting on top of me. That I was breathing for the world. That I was suffering for the world. That I was dying for the world. I mean who the fuck did I think I was! The modern day woman version of Jesus? 

The brain is a powerful organ, isn’t it? It has the capability of giving you hallucinations, depress the living shit out of you and make you think that you are dying. It is the grandmaster puppeteer, commanding a slave held by unbreakable strings. I can only bow in merciful pain when it decides to strike. It’s a sadistic bastard. Prolonging the agony as long as possible just for its own personal amusement. But through it all, I manage to at least try and stay strong. And I always repeat these words in the hopes that one day they will work within 2 seconds flat…

You are going to be fine. Breathe. You have gone through worse and you have always made it to the other side. You are not dying. You do not have an incurable disease. You got through the last one and you will get through this one. You…. will…. be… okay….


*If you suffer from panic/anxiety attacks, just know that you are not alone. Tell someone. Get to a doctor and talk about what you experienced. Here are some things that you might find useful.

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Also Art therapy works wonders. It’s like an adult colouring book. And who wouldn’t want that. I just bought one…

And remember…

You Must Be Tired of Trying to Get Everyone to Like You…

do you and stop pleasing everyone

Here’s the thing pandas, I don’t know where the majority of us got this notion that we need everyone and their cousins to like us. We are not in a beauty pageant, nor are we competing to see who can get the most people to adore and gush over our profile pictures on social media. Life’s too fucking short to waste so much time and effort in trying to maintain likeability. If you let it consume you, then you will realise that it’s a full-time job with a family and two mistress on the side. So stop stressing that some people might not like you. Surely, you’ve got to be tired by now. Aren’t you tired? I would be fucking exhausted.

But here’s the more serious, real issue. If you’re busy trying to appeal to all human beings, doesn’t that mean that you’re altering your personality? Your true self? Because even though a personality has many facets, it does not hold every characteristic known to man. Therefore, would you alter your personal opinion when it contradicts with those that you’re trying to befriend? If the answer is yes, then you need to stop and go “oh,oh… Something’s seriously wrong with me.”

It took me a really long time to get over why some people didn’t understand or like me. But now, to be perfectly honest, I don’t care… at all. And can I just say…. This must be what heaven feels like.

If people can’t understand/accept/tolerate the following then they can simply keep moving:

  1. Accept that I have my own opinion
  2. Understand that I may not say yes all the time to appease you
  3. Know that I will not tolerate bullying
  4. Sometimes I don’t want to talk
  5. If you yap about yourself 24/7 you will be erased, Arnold Schwarzenegger style.
  6. No I don’t want to listen to your vegan opinions about life. I like fucking meat and I’m obsessed with Feta cheese, so get over it.
  7. Know that if you shove your relationship in my face I will vomit on both of you.
  8. I like swearing… a lot. I’m like a sailor whose on shore leave who got so drunk he can’t even remember his momma’s name. I will not change.
  9. Speaking of change… I won’t do it to make you feel happier. I will only do it, if it makes me happier and a better person.
  10. If you come at me with a snide remark, you will get confronted.
  11. I don’t like Westerns.
  12. I would probably be one of those freaks that marries a panda because I love them so much.
  13. Please don’t talk about your hair, nails, or clothes all day long. I will cut you with your nails, while strangling you with your hair and lastly tie you up to some tree by all your clothes. There’s so much more to life than materialistic crap.
  14. I am entitled to voice my thoughts on any subject.
  15. Everyone should be treated as equal.
  16. I advocate to abolish all dating apps.
  17. Meaningful conversations feed my soul.
  18. Love has lost all meaning in the modern world

Now just because I hate westerns and you love them, doesn’t mean we are going to be sworn enemies for life. You see that’s the real beauty of human beings. Prepare to have your minds blasted. We get to know each other by trying to find a common bond. A thread that intertwines us. The beauty is, to disagree and debate with one another. The beauty is to accept someone for who they are and not what they look like. That’s, it. You may not like any of the things that I’ve listed. And that’s ok. You aren’t meant to like everything. That’s what makes you, you. But you are meant not to judge and at least acknowledge the fact that we will be different. Because at the end of the day, it’s our differences that makes us unique and interesting. 

So stop worrying about everyone else. If people are open to your likes and dislikes then all is good in the world. If they aren’t, then move on. Let’s all just accept everyone even though we may have differences. The awesome thing is that it makes us not be the same old boring piece of toast. And besides, who wants to be an army of old, brittle, boring, pieces of toast?

Peace, love and Tolerance 


Monday Motivation: Start Hustling

Monday Motivation Hustle


Pandas, last night I was in a bit of a funk. My brain was hurling so many thoughts throughout my cranial cavity that I nearly had a concussion. I am not quite sure what started this funk but as sure as the sky is blue, I, for the life of me, could not stop thinking! I hate when that happens don’t you? It’s like falling into a dark hole kind of feeling. And somehow I needed to change this. I needed to change it quick.

I am not quite sure how I got this procrastination bug inside of me, but I did. It’s also intertwined with the feelings of not being good enough, questioning my skills and expecting things to magically work out. I don’t know where my drive drove off to. But somewhere along the line I lost sight of why I was doing what I was going. I stopped hustling. Instead, I was just getting by. Life happened. A Monday to Friday job happened. Saturday and Sunday were filled with long lost chores that had been forgotten from yesteryear. I mean it’s funny how easy it is to let your life slip on by.

Either way, whatever my excuse is, it’s an excuse nonetheless. I haven’t moved my ass to get to where I want, or need to be. So I only have myself to blame. On this Monday filled with nostalgia, I vow to get my shit together. My Monday motivation is to hustle! And I have you guys as support… hopefully. We can hustle together.

This week let’s push ourselves harder. Let’s wake up every morning and be thankful for what we have. Every day I vow to do a little more than what I did the previous day. Because if I don’t hustle for my dreams then I will be stuck in this stagnant pond of crap forever. And who the hell wants that?! I will make a list every week of all the stuff that I need to do. And slowly I will see my dreams come into fruition.

So pandas let’s get hustling. Realise, focus and claw at your ambitions. Make a list, write in your journal, or make a mood board so you can visualise what you need to achieve. Let’s get to it! After all, my number one fear, is to look back on my life when I’m 80 years old and say… “What if I had just done that a bit more? Or had pushed a little harder? Imagine where I would be now.” What a sad realisation that would be. There is no way in hell that I want that to happen. I don’t want missed opportunities. I don’t want to dream about a life that I could have had. AI need a life that’s been lived to the fullest. With no shortcuts. So…. who’s with me?

Peace, Love and Hustle like a Mofo!


A Girl’s Guide: To Surviving Sex For The First Time With Someone New

bunny sex relationships

Oh boy… This one’s a doozy isn’t it? It’s quite possibly one of the most awkward, fumbling, tumbling yet exhilarating experiences one will every go through. And unfortunately, it will probably happen each and every time you have sex with someone new. Unless however, you’re uber confident in your skills and your naked body. I however feel pity to those that befall my nakedness because it’s something that their tiny eyeballs can’t unsee.

I’m sure you’ve already guessed I am not one of those confident ladies. Therefore I need to try and make myself the most confident I can be, before I do the deed. Of course, if the gentleman in question, is singing his praises about you, then you are halfway there. You always get a wonderful boost of confidence when a man (or whatever sex) you’re canoodling with thinks you are beautiful. It’s really a nice feeling to be wanted.

So on to our guide, shall we?

Getting Prepped Like You’re Going To War

Dita Von Tease

If you are anything like me, then you will be a wreck with knowing that this is going to be the first time he’s seen you naked. I literally freak the F-out. But I obviously don’t let him see that on the night. Oh no no no no! But the days leading up to it? Jesus, I literally almost have a panic attack. After all, it feels like you’re prepping for battle. A show down. You want to conquer the foreign land. So make sure you do all the things that make you feel like a millions bucks. If nails, hair and makeup does the trick for you, then do it. If it’s a sexy pair of shoes, then wear them. Whatever it is that makes you feel like a hot lady, go for it.

Picking Your Outfit and Lingerie Carefully

Let me tell you right now that an outfit can make or break your evening. If you pick something too tight, like jeans for example, it might cause a complete delay in your passionate throw down. I once had jeans that were so tight around my calves that it took five F*%$ing minutes for them to be pulled off. I was literally laying there like a big old potato while my man was trying desperately to rip them off. It was a complete fail. So really think about what you are going to wear for the first time. After all the point is for it to go as smoothly as possible. If something happens on another occasion then you are covered because your man will remember that sex with you is great. And please for the love of god, wear matching lingerie.

 Have a Contingency Plan if You Go Back To His Place Instead of Yours 

I myself, just invite them outright to “watch a movie” or “have dinner” at my place. That way I am in the comfort of my own home should any mishaps happen. But if you are going back to his, then make sure you have things on you to help you out. Carry a bigger bag so you can shove your shit in there. Don’t say, “uggghhhh… oh my god it’s just not cute at allllll.” Just trust me ok! Put some makeup, a tooth brush, eye drops, tissues and clean undies. Oh and if you can fit some flats in there you will be golden! You do not want to look like you are doing the walk of shame the next morning while everyone is on their way to work. Oh crap, and if it’s a work night then you will need a bigger bag! Maybe just stick to weekends for now.

 Make Sure The Setting is On Point

This is my area of expertise by the way. Simply because if I could, I would want all the lights out, plus blind folding him just so he didn’t have to see my fat. But since I can’t do that, I opt for candles. Men don’t really care if there were florescent lights on that were the equivalent to the power of the sun. They see a naked woman with no flaws. This one is more for your own sanity. Ah… candles make everything look better.

Do Not Try To Be A Porn Star

Everyone and their mom has seen porn. But I think we should leave it to the professionals, don’t you think? Don’t try and imitate something that you saw some porn lady do once. You will not look like that. There is a reason why they are getting paid to do what they do. Further more,  they also have directors in their arsenal who can achieve magic. Have you ever tried re-enacting a porn with your man? It’s not pretty. This is your first time with this person. You don’t want to break his penis off and you certainly don’t want to break a hip. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

Just remember that you may think you’re looking like this…

pole dancing gif

But in reality, you’re probably looking like this…

failing at pole dancing

If You’re Hearing Crickets Then Do Something About It

Dear everything that is ice cream, if it is not a throw down, make it one. I know the first time with someone can be awkward. You guys aren’t really in tune to how the other operates. But that doesn’t mean for you to lie there and him to be looking like he’s poking a dead person. Get into it. Be in the moment. Put some music on. Try a different position. Listen to your breaths and fast heartbeats. Touch and get in there! Your mind can be an awful bastard. So try and turn it off. I don’t know why us, as women, are so unfocused at a time like this. Sometimes our brains go all over the place. What helps is concentrating on the movement or the feel of something.

Don’t Give All Your Tricks up On the First Night

Firstly you are here to do one thing and that is to rip each others clothes off and have a good time. Don’t be licking on no toes, balls or any other foolishness. Always keep them wanting more.


beyonce gif

I know, I know. How can I preach about being confident. But trust me, with enough alcohol in my system I think I’m like Megan Fox or Halle Berry. God, alcohol is amazing. Okay, okay, on a more serious note, you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful. He (or she) picked YOU didn’t they? They wanted to get to know you by going on dates didn’t they? So they already find you super attractive. Always think of that before you are about to pick at all your flaws! No one wants to console someone while they are naked and banging. So muster up your inner diva and you will see that it will be a great night.


And always remember to bring condoms! You never know at the end of the day. SO SAFETY IS KEY!!!!!!!!

Peace, Love and Get Some Sex

Weekend Photo Journal: Lusting on Burgundy, Maroon and Aubergine…. Oh My!

Lusting on Marsala

Can I just say, these 3 shades give me an orgasm. Yeah I said it and YEAH. I. MEAN. IT! They’re some sexy shades aren’t they? It’s that of royalty; rich, smooth, sensual, silky and bold to the eyes. Even as we speak they are seducing my eyeballs in some kind of sinister, sadistic, 50 shades of naughty way. Yet somehow it feels like the start of a loving affair filled with an abundance of spontaneity. You know, like that crazy, fun, secretive love you once experienced with someone. Not to mention it’s the shade of my favourite beverage… wine! I mean do I even need to say more?! These few qualities alone, made me decide to name these colours my weekend photo lust.

In case you weren’t aware, these shades (apart from Aubergine, which is eggplant, to you folks overseas) are under the Marsala group of colours and was labelled colour of the year by Pantone. Can I get a ala ala ala ala ala… no? Too much? Anyway, I’m being cheeky including aubergine in this post. Because, as I’ve said, it’s not in the Marsala shade group, but I love this colour too much and it’s my blog, therefore I can do what I want. Boom!

To be perfectly honest, there isn’t much difference between maroon and burgundy is there? But I chose three to go with my Wizard of Oz reference. And yeah, I sometimes use references like how a chef uses a knife. Please tell me to shut  the F^^^ up if I get annoying. Dear all that is Dolly Parton, I definitely don’t want to be that annoying reference friend. The one that quotes movie lines, word for word. Ahhh, enough of me yapping!

May I present you with this autumn’s best colours. I’m telling you it will be everywhere and you will no doubt hate it by the end of the season. But, at least you can appreciate a few good colours for the time being. Man, I wish I could just wrap myself up, all snuggly tight with these shades. Deeeeelicious!

That’s a whole lot of inspiration right?! Okay… so I slightly got carried away but it seriously couldn’t be helped alright! I just LOVE IT TOOOOOO MUCH!!

Okay, it’s time for me to go before I start getting another orgasm over a F%$*ing colour! I need a life… seriously, this can’t go on for much longer.

Peace, Love and MARSALA forever!

P.S.- All photos taken from Pinterest. (Here’s my mood board for it)