One of The Worst Things That a Woman Could Hear From a Man…Or in General for That Matter.

the fear of never being good enough

Originally I was going to post a nice little write-up about how my walls came crashing down and how I let someone in and how nice it was and blah blah blah. But in the space of one day things have changed and now I’m going to let some steam out.  I will try and keep the swearing to a minimum but if I stick with my truth mantra (always be honest) then the first part of this sentence is bullshit. Anyway, this is the story of the worst thing I could have heard as a reason not to continue dating me. It might seem long, sorry, but keep reading!

I met a man recently. In fact I was praising the fact that he had awakened something inside of me from the initial kiss to not understanding why I never was in a situation where it was the right time and place with someone. Yet I was happy that someone was interested in me. Someone who appeared to be a gentleman.

We met in Cyprus through a friend of mine. He made the first move. He was always initiating everything and let’s not forget to mention that he seemed like the nicest man that I had ever met.Which I know I’ve already said. After the kiss I didn’t think anything of it. But he added me on Facebook the next day. The thing is we both were coming back to England. He was living in Bournemouth and had to finalise some things for his permanent move back to Cyprus. Therefore he was going to be here for a little over a month. I decided to send him a Facebook message to see how the packing was coming along and before I knew it we were talking through Skype. And after a short conversation he ask to meet up at the weekend. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have agreed to letting a man, who I hardly knew, stay with me the whole weekend but I decided to say ‘Fuck it’ and do something out of my comfort zone. I was nervous as hell. I didn’t want him to see me naked. To see the loosened skin separating from my non-existent muscles. Truly, I was petrified. But I thought, he pursued  me, so he must find me somewhat attractive. On that Friday when he came over, I made a comment in reference to my weight. As all insecure women know, we have to excuse ourselves for some reason. And his response was “Are you crazy? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror. You have a beautiful face. And your smile is amazing. The weight can be fixed if you’re unhappy.” His answer was refreshing. It made me feel a little more at ease. And besides, I reminded myself yet again that this man ran after me.

Him being in London went without a hitch. He was affectionate, attentive, listened, cared, and pretty much all-round great. While we laid in bed on the Saturday he expressed his want for me by saying “Come to Cyprus”. Implying that I should move back there. I just giggled at the thought. At that moment this was just a good time and nothing more. On the last day he asked if I would come down to Bournemouth. Which I said yes to almost immediately. Why not right?! What have I got to lose? If anything my Va-jay-jay was getting a good clear out from all the dust and cobwebs it was harbouring. So it was a win-win situation. I made my ticket for two weeks later.

During those two weeks he called every day. We either skyped or chatted through more conventional methods. He would make comments about my beautiful smile, talk to me about what he was doing,about his family and past experiences. You could say this thing started to develop into something for me. Mainly because this man was doing things that all the others have not done. Which was to simply be there and be open and be present. Therefore by the time it came for me to go to Bournemouth I was a little excited to see him again.

While there, he took good care of me. On Saturday we were driving home from the seaside and he said that if we were in the same country this thing would have worked out between us. I was taken aback. All I asked was “really, you think?” and he said “yes I do.” So as you can imagine when Sunday came rolling along I was, surprisingly, saddened by the whole affair. The departure was torturous. I guess it was the thought of leaving something that I couldn’t see threw. That I will always have to say ‘what if’? What if we were in the same country? In the long run I knew that this man wasn’t for me. But for the moment, I didn’t want it to end. I wanted another few stolen moments with him. As I took a bus back, all the way to London, I cried. Not because I really cared for him, but because feelings had resurface from the depths of my broken soul. I remembered what it was like to be with someone. And a part of me yearned for it just a little longer. I was so moved by all these fucking feelings that I decided to write him a FB message. It simply stated that I had appreciated the way that he treated me. It meant a lot. He somehow made me feel good enough again. But after I clicked the “send” button I somewhat regretted what I said. I opened up too much. Exposed my inner workings to someone who I didn’t really know, to the point of actually letting my vulnerability leak through. So like all idiotic women, I had to send another message. Saying I shouldn’t have been so forthcoming. His only response was “Relax, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

As the next day came slowly around I was uneasy, unsure and very emotional. He called at 9 that evening and he asked if I was alright. I said that I was fine. And he interrupted and said “Because yesterday you seemed really upset.” I grew silent. Carefully selecting my words. “I was just a little emotional because I had a good time. It’s been a long time that I’ve been very closed off. And in the beginning with you I was the same, however something happened and I couldn’t help it. But I’m sorry that I wrote that message on Facebook.” And he said, “No don’t be. It was the nicest thing that I’ve ever received in my entire life.” And for some reason, something inside of me wasn’t feeling 100% with this situation. So I blurted out “Honestly, if we were in the same country, could you have seen this continuing?” And his response was… “Yes and No.” I was like what?! “Ok, why no?” He paused, and said “Well, it’s two things. One, is that you smoke and even though you are in the process of quitting I would ask that you never do it again. And two, (get ready for this one) is your weight.” I froze. I said “Wait a minute. Are you telling me that you wouldn’t continue this because I’m too fat?!” and he said “…Yes”. I was in such shock that I closed the phone.

How does a man have the right to say that to a woman? How does he get to build a woman up, her self esteem raised and her head held high, and then with one sentence render her mute, unworthy and not good enough. This man was basically telling me that I was good enough to fuck, yet not good enough to be in a relationship with. His words cut me. I was already insecure. I was already stressed out by society to look a certain way. He didn’t know what health issues I was going through. He didn’t know anything about me. Yet here he was, telling me that I was unhappy and that I should lose weight. Now, I’ll have you know that this man is no Adonis! So for the life of me I couldn’t understand why he said what he said. Because he for sure, has not found the holy grail of perfection. I think the thing that I questioned the most was, how could a man say and do all these things and then shatter you. I had been with different men all of which let me know their real character from the beginning. This one, I found to be of the worst kind. The one you never see coming.

That whole night I cried, and I couldn’t remember the last time I did that. I even called my friends who consoled me and cried along with me. Because they knew what I’ve been through. And they knew that this was yet another set-back in the world of bullshit dating. The next day I felt sick. I didn’t even want to look at my fat self in the mirror. I couldn’t eat and I left work early. I knew that I had to confront this man. I couldn’t let him off with such a sentence being unchecked. So that evening I called and went on and on for 52 minutes. He kept on apologising. He begged for me to accept his apology and I said no. I didn’t want to have anything to do with someone who was so superficial and had no ambitions in life. I certainly don’t deserve to be treated like that. And if I accepted the apology then I am accepting what he said. And no woman should accept that. He meant what he said. He said I wasn’t attractive but if I lost weight I could be more attractive. I mean what ever happened to the fact that looks will fade? And once they do, what in the fuck will you have to offer? There is so much more to people than how they look. It’s the inner workings that intrigue and fascinate me. Do they make me laugh, can we have deep conversations? Does he quench my soul?

So, what had I learned from all of this? Well, that men (people in general) can be cruel creatures. Sometimes, even though you may have super thick skin, there will come a time when someone will break your defences down and rip out your heart…. again.

At the end of the day, I know that I am a great person, not perfect, but great nonetheless. If the gods or the fairies of this world had intended for all of us to be the same then we would have been created that way. Evolution would have made us all identical. Like fucking sharks or alligators. At the moment I have extra pounds. So what! I accepted him with all his flaws. Why couldn’t he have the courtesy to do the same for me. Why couldn’t he look deeper? Even for a short while! But no, society has made everyone question everything about themselves. And I’m tired of always fearing that I’m not good enough. That I don’t compare to those models who have all the curves in all the right places. I’m tired of the shallowness. I’m tired of Tinder and Badoo. And I’m tired of men and women thinking that words don’t scar, leaving very deep open wounds.

I’m pissed to say the least. I’m slightly hurt but more so pissed. However, I know, as with everything else in my life, I will get over it. I will file this away with the worst of them and move on.

Ladies, we are all beautiful and bring so much to the table. If men can’t see you for you, then they can go fuck themselves. End of story.
Ps- On the bright side, at least I won’t ever have to say “what if” over this asshole. Which is exciting because it’s one more that I can crossed off the list. 

<3 <3 <3

The Phrase ‘Right Place, Right Time’ Has eluded Me For All My Life…

In the Right time and the right place

It’s a silly old thing, time. Isn’t it? There’s this power that it possesses for some reason. If you spend it poorly, it runs like water through a drain. If you spend it wisely, it might run like the summer months close to the north pole. Where the sunlight laces the days together and time seems to have created a wormhole of infinite length. But those scenarios can be reversed as well. Where it can speed up while having a wondrous time and then slow to a halt while you’re doing a task that you aren’t fond of. Time can be bent, skewed, thrown, stopped, pushed, delayed; manipulating it until you’ve achieved your goals. But what about the unfortunate few who have not had luck with time? Who have parted ways with missed chances or unseized opportunities because Lady Luck chose for them another fate; to not be in the ‘Right Place, Right Time’ section of life. As if you were in a constant state of ‘almosts’, but never getting any farther than that.  And it’s not like you can force it. That’s the elusiveness of it. I have felt like that about relationships. Where the circumstances have not been spot on. Or the feelings, affections, have not been right. They have been an almost, but not quite. There hasn’t been that meshing of souls. The clicking of thoughts. There seems to have always been a catch. A bent cog in an antiquated time piece. A hiccup of everlasting sharpness. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have not been given the opportunity to relish in that happy moment of everything clicking all at once. The merging of synchronicity. So perfect in timing that we hear the atom pop.

I have tried not to say “woe is me” when it comes to the failed ventures I create with people. Reason being, I’m now realising I wanted to be with someone no matter what. I always wanted love even if the chosen one was not in the right space of time. They were either not ready, noncommittal, unrequited, had to learn to be in a relationship, liars, cheaters, thieves and whatever else that stopped them from evolving into a decent human being. I however overlooked those qualities. Why? Well, because every time was the right time for me. I wanted love EVERY time. I was ready ALL the time. But slowly I came to the conclusion that the men who were coming and going, even after years of being with me, were not in the same time zone. It was as if they were travelling a whole light year away. And to add insult to injury most would depart from me all the wiser and settle down with the next woman they met. I somehow managed to be the setter-upper. The one to take the time and patience to mould and smooth out the sharp edges.

But despite all the time that has dripped by, I was not that saddened by it. What really saddened me was when you do meet someone who sparks your interest, who treats you how you should be treated, who’s taken a shinning to you, and due to some unforeseen circumstances, you can’t pursue it any further. In these instances I always raise my head up towards the sky and scream out “whhhyyyyyy!??!!” in an overly dramatic fashion. Once the shouting is done, I curse the over zealous idiot that’s been watching over me (my fate fairy) who’s probably thinking that I should embrace, go with the flow and learn from every experience.  Sometimes I don’t want to learn from things. Or find the meaning as to why certain things happen. No! I for once want a perfectly timed ballet. Where every pointe means something. Breathing in synchronicity as we move across the stage like a silky wind. I want a perfect, right moment. Where two people meet at the right time.

What am I supposed to learn from getting to know a man who seems utterly sweet, sincere, genuine and who can’t stick around? What am I supposed to do with all of that? Thank you to the downer patrol for dangling something real in front of my face and then laughing as they slowly yank it away. What should I take from this? That I won’t be appointed a nice man for long? That there are still great men out there but I will never get to experience one? What?! What is it?! It’s cruel really. I do know that I have changed my tune towards the opposite sex because of this brief experience that I’ve had. So there, I’ve said something positive. But what if I want more? Or what if the time that I have isn’t enough? It’s just a sampling really. It’s like doing those ice cream tasters, never feeling full and never being allowed to have a second try. I want to say when enough is enough and for it not to be decided for me.

Who knows, maybe one day my fate fairy will be so kind as to plop a great man who can stick around for more than a month or two. But until then, I am learning to accept the cards that I’ve been dealt. I’m understanding that not all experiences are meant to last (even the great ones). I’m getting used to the fact that there will be certain times in your life where you will go through something because you will have to either experience an epiphany moment or gain strength after uncovering some trickery. But you know, once,  just once, I would like the heavens to smile down upon me and finally grant me my wish for something a little longer lasting.

Here’s to experiencing that right time, right place moment…

<3 <3 <3

 

Where Has The “Delicious Tango of Minds and Universes” Gone?

couple looking longingly at each other

My fluffy Pandas! Hope you’re all doing well.

Sunday night I was looking at my Facebook Newsfeed, partly because I was bored and mostly because I had just finished from a long weekend of firsts for me (which I will explain in another post) so I really didn’t know what to do with myself. As I was scrolling, I stumbled upon one of Juliette Lewis’ posts. Firstly can I just say that I have loved her since the 80’s and secondly I once bumped into her right off of Charing Cross Road in London. I was with my friend at the time and we were just faffing around, not really knowing what to do for the remainder of our time together. When lo and behold this petite woman walked past us. I was like “DUDE!! that’s Juliette Lewis! I love her!” We then proceeded to follow her, desperately trying not to look like one of those questionable stalkers. She was on the phone and when she saw us hovering around and staring at her like a bunch of morons she hung up and we asked for her autograph. We only had one piece of paper amongst me and my friend, so after we apologised profusely for bothering her, she signed the lonely sheet. Anyway long story short she was super nice in person which made me like her even more than what I already did.

So back to the real story, she posted something that made me want to scream YES at the top of my lungs. Not only because I agreed with it so vehemently but because I have been spouting the same thing (For example… here, here, here and here) ever since Tinder and Badoo came into existence.  Here it is before I start yapping on and on….

Juliette Lewis on dating apps

I mean right?! Like, exactly this! Every perfectly chosen word hits home with a loud bang. For me, personally, I have found it hard to conform to these dating app/online shenanigans. I tried Tinder once but hated it and Badoo was equally as disappointing. I did meet a man through the latter one who tried to “date” me but he had major issues with opening up and commitment. So that ended up becoming sex every once in a blue moon. So after that experience I got rid of the apps. I was fed up really. I was annoyed that I had to put a photo up of myself along with a short biography that no one ever reads. I hated the fact that I was being judged on photos only. What about my wit, or the twinkle in my eye, or seeing my genuine smile or hearing me laugh? These apps are missing the most important bits of you. The tiny nuances that make you, you! These frozen images that are carefully constructed to attract more views are on display 24/7. Therefore men can go through hundreds of women to help increase their probability that one or three will respond positively to them. They are not looking for the one. They are merely looking for the one right now. And then the one two days from now. And then the one 3 weeks from now. We are in the disposable era. In fact we are so quick at the process that someone invented a technique which only takes a single swipe to say you don’t like the way they look.

Whatever happened to wanting to get to know a person? As Juliette Lewis says, people don’t want to ‘deliciously tango their minds and universes’ together. To intertwine their experiences, feelings, thoughts, hopes, fears. Where is the late night deep, meaningful conversations? The laughter? The tears? Why do we want to accept this doomed world of robotic humanoids who only interact with electronic devices. Aren’t your necks fucking stiff by know? All that looking down. We are forgetting what it is to be human. To love deeply and to open your soul to another beautiful soul. I fear that in about another 10 years our younger generations will not know how to speak to another human, face to face. They will be the shielded screen generation. The mutes who probably will have evolved to possessing 12 fingers and telepathy.

Men are forgetting about chivalry and  the coy, intricate workings of the chase. And women unfortunately, are allowing themselves to be caught without a fight. Not even questioning where the wooing, courtship, romance has gone. We are accepting things as “well, that’s evolution for ya! I will jump on the bandwagon because every other woman has done so.” We as women are allowing these men to treat us as second hand products that they can swipe through to get to the shinier  newer ones. Where have our standards gone women?! Personally, at this very moment, I do not care that everyone and their mommas are on these apps. I do not enjoy them. I find texting a tedious task that only proves how cowardly people have become. I mean for example, on two separate occasions I was excommunicated  with through a Facebook  message and via a text. These men didn’t even have the balls to call me. They didn’t respect me enough as a person to give me the common courtesy of a phone call.

I want to hold onto the fact that people can still meet in a random time and place and catch the playful longing in someone’s eye across the room; which entices you to gravitate towards each other. As you start talking you might notice that they have the cutest, tiniest freckle grazing the corner of their lips. You find out they laugh with such gusto for life and they touch your arm gently to let you know they are interested. The sensations make you blush slightly. The musky yet playful air of flirtation runs rampant as they brush the hair away from your face. Then suddenly your senses get hit again. This time with a deliciously enticing scent. For a second your mind wanders as you engulf their aura. You try and lean closer. You’re interested. And as this beautiful sonata crescendos towards a gratifying peak you realise that a mere photo of this person would not have done them justice. In fact this small dance that was just exchanged was more intense than a ‘what’s up?’ through a text message. Because once you take a way the barrier of the screen from your electronic device you see a raw, unfiltered, unedited soul. What could be more beautiful than that?

I don’t want to settle for the mundane bullshit of me sitting at home flicking through random profile photos. I want to converse, laugh, play with their hair, brush past their arm gently and create a witty match of sentences as we discover all the unknowns. I want to live outside in the world and not the created one that we portray on social media. I want to be more than a frozen portrait on someone’s screen that they can swipe away as if shooing a fly.

Please for the love of rainbows, can we remember the beauty of a chance meeting? The power of in-person interaction. There really isn’t anything better than that cheeky glance at the beginning of a flirtatious encounter. Because in that moment, your world becomes infinite. It becomes real. It becomes a little more meaningful. And what can be better than that?

<3 <3 <3

 

When You Realise That Your Emotions Haven’t Completely Shrivelled up and died….

Love, Feelings, Emotions,

Pandas, I am officially back. Well, to be honest I came back late last Thursday night but I was not mentally prepared to start my brain until today. Yes, it took me a week. I have been a walking blob ever since I arrived in London. For those of you who don’t know where I went, it was to Cyprus, which is in the Mediterranean. My parents and other family members (from my dad’s side) live there. This was the first time in years that I decided to spend Christmas over there. To be completely honest, I have not been a fan of that country for a while now. And that was mainly because it held a very important reminder for me every time I stepped my pudgy foot back on its soil. A painful reminder of unrequited love. Or more to the point, a fake love that left me barren of any kind of emotions whatsoever. He stole them from me. Like a thief of an elaborate and unexplainable heist. Broken and tarnished, I left my country. I left because my greatest drive was to move back to London. If I didn’t have that ambition then I know I definitely would not have been here right now talking to you guys.

When I think about my love life from the past (almost) 4 years since I’ve left Cyprus, it has been quite a nonexistent affair. Penises have come and gone. Yet feelings haven’t been exchanged, nor did the stirring of emotions commence. For a while I didn’t question it. I puttered along without a care. But then I started to wonder if he who must not be named, broke me for good. I never felt anything. I would tell the one friend who actually cared to listen that something must have died. That my va-jay-jay closed up shop to reevaluate the meaning of her existence. Because let’s face it, she was not fulfilling some of her job requirements. There was simply no use for her. I was convinced that she had shrivelled up and died along with my heart. To the rest, I would of course pretend that all was fine. Only adding that I didn’t want anyone in my life. That I was happy being the hermit that I am. Which was partly true.

So after all this time had passed I just assumed that my notion of being a miserable, cold-hearted, no-feeling, unemotional, crude, lonely bitch was true and that there was no cure. Not even maybe a reversal process that I could try out.  So with that, I left for Cyprus thinking that this was how I was going to see in the new year. A controlled ball of chaos.

As I stepped off the plane into the country of my high school days, something felt different. I didn’t feel dread this time round. On previous occasions I would get nervous that I would bump into people. The kind of people who talk and gossip. But this time I felt more at peace. Maybe I was just happy leaving London for a bit, who knew.

I met up with one of my besties who would take me out to great restaurants, coffee places where we would talk about life, giggle and enjoy each others company. I started to relax more. I remembered what it felt like to have friends around. I began to feel at ease. So when she decided for me that I would come to her house gathering I said of course without getting stressed about how I looked. And on that night, because my guard was down and I was laughing and having a good time, I happened to meet someone and we ended up kissing. It was the first time in many years where the act of kissing felt normal. It felt like this person meant it. It wasn’t a fleeting moment in the hopes that his attempts would advance into my panties. It was a shared intimate moment between two unknown souls. In that moment I felt wanted, not invisible and pretty. I didn’t worry about how I looked, or my flaws or any other insecurities that I might have. I was present in that moment and that moment alone.

In what felt like an alternate universe, something stirred within me. For the first time in a long time, my insides started to unthaw and that’s when I realised that I wasn’t such a lost cause anymore. There was still life in me yet. Most likely nothing will come out of that shared moment. But I am thankful that someone revived me even if only for a short while. It was definitely nice to remember what a genuinely sincere stolen moment felt like. I don’t expect miracles after that one encounter but for a person who has been convinced that she was broken it was a nice change of pace.

As the night came to an end, we went our separate ways but not before one final connection. And with that we got into our cars and drove off.

 

<3 <3 <3

 

 

Make It Happen In 2016…

make it happen quote

 So tonight’s the night! For some, the new year’s already started. So as the rest of us countdown to the beginning of another 365 days of hopes and promises, I will leave you with this last post of 2015.  

Let’s make this year count. Forget about resolutions. Sometimes when we make huge promises to conquer by the end of January it somehow seems almost like we are setting ourselves up to fail on purpose. So instead, make it fucking happen everyday (yes, the swearing was necessary), throughout the whole year. Tiny changes every day will secure your success in the long run. If lost weight is what you seek, then start off by saying in two weeks time I will lose 1-3 pounds. I know it may seem like nothing but the point is to not get over zealous, eventually blacking out in a cookie aisle in some grocery store somewhere. I for one, can see myself there, drooling and licking the filling off an Oreo.

 
If you want to quit something (i.e. Smoking, drinking, golf?) then do it slowly. Don’t do it cold turkey. I know some of you crazy strong-willed humanoids out there are capable of breaking a habit like nobody’s business. But most of us do not have your alien-like will power. On most occasions I will throw in the white towel. So, to avoid a complete meltdown after not being able to complete an impossible challenge, just think baby steps. Remember you have a whole year! That’s the point of those New Years resolutions. To do what you set out to do, for 365 days. It’s not to go full steam ahead every day for a month or two and then wash your hands of every new promise you made to yourselves. You will not only feel like a failure but you will sabotage any positive vibes for the rest of the year. 

So relax, breathe and like the sign says above… Make it fucking happen! After all, you are the masters of your fate and the captains to your souls. You can do it pandas!

So to close this post with a bang…

May this new year quench your soul. May it be the light you were searching for. May you laugh a million times over until you gasp for breath and may you have unconditional love, solid friends, a strong  supportive family and abnormally exceptional health! 

  
HAPPY NEW YEAR’s PANDAS! You are all beautiful inside and out. And don’t you ever forget it!

❤️❤️❤️

A BIG Merry Christmas In Advance To All The Pandas Out There!

Merry christmas

This one will be a quickie because I know you guys must be very busy preparing and doing last minute touch ups for Christmas.

However, I just wanted to say to all my lovely pandas out there that you are the best. I send you all a ginormous hug and a heartfelt thank you for sticking by me and reading my posts. I hope you have a wonderful break! As we speak I am floating above the clouds in a big ol’ tin can on my way to Cyprus, which I will be spending the next two weeks in.

Anyways, here’s to creating more memories this holiday season.

Love always,

your panda

<3

Makeup Review: Lily Lolo

Lily Lolo

Ok my pandas, firstly I should start by saying that I have been unhappy with my makeup for the last two years. I have searched high and low for a foundation that not only covers my poor excuse of a face but doesn’t make it look like I just conked out on top of a cake; a bit like Mrs. Doubtfire. It’s been a hard mission trying different foundations and getting frustrated that something was not quite right with any of them. One was too thin, another was too cake-y, another would make the fine lines on your face seem deeper and so on. So, I decided to try a really nice mineral foundation again.

Back in the day I used to use Bare Escentuals, but that was when their foundation cost £14 (roughly $21). I tried it again when it reached £23 and something in their product changed. So now that it’s risen in price yet again to £26 I have decided to journey far and wide (my internet) to see if I could find a miracle foundation. And that’s when I stumbled upon Lily Lolo!

After reading lots of different reviews I decided to try their foundation out. The one thing I was worried about was which shade I should go for. But you know what I then realised? You could get sample products for just £1.49! That way you can get two or three different shades to see which one suits you best. I stupidly should have gotten 3 different ones, but I ended up with one. I finally decided on a sample foundation in Butterscotch, a sample finishing powder in Flawless silk, a sample mineral bronzer in Bondi Bronze, a mineral concealer in Nude and a Makeup Mist. I wanted to try out the foundation with it’s other counterparts and not just on it’s own. You know, to see how well they work together.

Here’s what I got…

 

So, my overall verdict? Well, this brand really did surprise me. First off, it is such a lifesaver to get sample sizes! Because this brand is only available online, it is essential to get testers to see which shades will suit you. And let’s be honest the photos, no matter how great they are, won’t depict the true colour or how it will look like on your skin. Therefore, I really didn’t mind paying the £1.49 for each sample. For the foundation I was able to use it three times. The bronzer and the finishing powder are still almost full. So it was a good buy.

Once I moisturised my face and put a primer, I applied the foundation using a brush. I started off a little at a time just in case. After, I put the bronzer on by doing a contouring technique. Then I put the finishing powder all over my face. And finally to finish it off I sprayed the makeup mist as instructed. The final outcome was great. My face looked fresh, matte, and no flaws were visibly apparent. I do think it’s super important to put a good amount of moisturiser to your face before hand because otherwise I fear that this particular foundation will look dry and flaky against your skin. Don’t forget to let your lotion and primer settle for a good few minutes. Let your skin soak it up. Then you can start applying your makeup.

The first time I tested the makeup was while I was getting ready for work. The reason being, I wanted to see how long it would last for. And surprise surprise it lasted all day without smudging. Somehow as the hours past, it seemed as though the mineral powders mixed with my skin’s oils and looked almost creamy. But it still kept the shin under control. I actually felt like I could run a 10K and it would still be kept all in place without a single trace of perspiration visible.

All in all, I was so pleased with this brand that I decided to bite the bullet and purchase the big sizes.

Lily Lolo

Lily Lolo

I do think, however, that I will try another shade of their foundation because the one that I got had quite a strong undertone of yellow. Even though I think my skin has natural yellow undertones, this seemed a bit too yellow for my liking. But of course it wasn’t the foundation’s fault, it was my own. So I will get a couple more sample sizes just to test which is best. Because as we all know, makeup is a very much trial and error process.

Also, just wanted to add that the site was very easy to use and I received the package in a couple of days without having to pay extra. Plus their product prices are absolutely wonderful! For those of you who are like me, counting their pennies, then this brand is not only worth it but a definite necessity to have.

So my little fluffy pandas, I think I will be sticking with this brand for a very long while.

<3 <3 <3